Hamokhamok Posted December 25, 2008 Report Share Posted December 25, 2008 After 20 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.? On and on and on: neglect, lack of imtimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.? The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.? The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week.? Can you do this?' The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamokhamok Posted December 25, 2008 Report Share Posted December 25, 2008 Top Four Adult Jokes Fourth Place : A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.' ------------ --------- --------- --------- Third Place : One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.' The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?' ------------ --------- --------- --------- - Runner Up: Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife co uld see at once that something was seriously wrong. 'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?' 'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. 'Yes, I did.' he replied. 'My God, Bill, what20happened? ' 'I got fired.' 'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh...she got fired too.' ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------- Winner: A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.' 'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.' 'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.' Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. 'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly r eplied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.' 'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamokhamok Posted December 25, 2008 Report Share Posted December 25, 2008 The following question was asked in a recent poll: 'Are there too many immigrants in Britain?' 21% Said: Yes 17% Said: No 62% Said: عÙ?د اÙ?Ø£Ù?Ù? اÙ?عاÙ?Ù?Ù? بÙ?اشÙ?Ø· Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drogon Posted December 25, 2008 Report Share Posted December 25, 2008 Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamokhamok Posted December 25, 2008 Report Share Posted December 25, 2008 (edited) Really Bad Planning Edited December 25, 2008 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamokhamok Posted December 25, 2008 Report Share Posted December 25, 2008 Ah to have your own office. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamokhamok Posted December 25, 2008 Report Share Posted December 25, 2008 Mating Season Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted December 25, 2008 Report Share Posted December 25, 2008 No way i could work like that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted December 26, 2008 Report Share Posted December 26, 2008 No one is asking you to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted December 26, 2008 Report Share Posted December 26, 2008 Sorry MM... It is a funny photo.. :thumbup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now