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Secret Dietary Tips

Two older men are sitting on a park bench talking and one of them asks the other about his sex life. The man answers that he has an excellent sex life and is still very active.

The other man confesses that his sexual appetite has greatly diminished with old age so he asks the other man if he has any secrets for staying sexually vital.

"Well," answered the man, "I eat rye bread everyday. That is my secret. If you just eat rye bread, your sex life will improve dramatically."

The other man decides to follow this advice and finds a bakery nearby. He tells the clerk behind the counter that he wants all of the loaves of rye bread that they have in stock.

The clerk then asks the man, "do you want whole loaves or do you want us to slice them?"

The man looks puzzled and asks the clerk, "what is the difference?"

The clerk responds, "Well when it's sliced, it gets harder faster."

To which the man responded, "How come everyone knew about this but me?"




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In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace.


This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.


I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai. It's too good not to pass along. The conversation went something like this...



"Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'


Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'


Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'


Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'


Air Defense Radar: (no response .. total silence)


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Some have been posted before - but I still laughed


My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping

channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?'I answered, "an inch of

dust" And thats how the fight started...


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I

want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'I bought her a

bathroom weight scale.And thats how the fight




After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply forSocial Security. The

woman behind the counter asked me for my driver'slicence to verify my age. I looked

in my pockets and realised I hadleft my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was

very sorry, but Iwould have to go home and come back later.The woman said,

'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealingmy curly silver hair. She

said, 'That silver hair on your chest isproof enough for me' and she processed my

Social Security application.When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my

experience at theSocial Security office.She said, 'You should have dropped your

pants. You might have gottendisability, too.'And thats how the fight




My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and Ikept staring at

a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone ata nearby table.My wife asked,

'Do you know her?''Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took

to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear shehasn't been

sober since.''My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go

on celebrating that long?'And thats how the fight





I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took myorder first."I'll

have the T bone steak, medium rare, please."He said, "Aren't you worried about mad

cow?""I answered " she can order for herself."And thats how the fight





My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.She is not happy with what

she sees and says to me,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.I really need

you to pay me a compliment.'I replied 'Your eyesight is so perfect my dear.'And

thats how the fight





I tried to talk my wife into buying a carton of Carlton Draught Beer for

$39.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.I told her the beer would

make her look better at night than the cold cream. And thats how the fight





My wife asked me if a certain dress made her bum look big. I told her

not as much as

the dress she wore yesterdayand thats how the fight





I was asleep with my wife like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the

morning, a loud noise came from outside.The wife, bewildered, jumped up from the

bed and yelled 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'So I jumped out of the bed;

scared and naked jumped out thewindow. I smashed myself on the ground, ran through

a thorn bush andto my car as fast as I could go.A few minutes later I returned and

went up to the bedroom andscreamed at wife, 'I AM your husband!'She quietly said,

'Oh Yeah? then why were you running?'And thats how the fight





I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"It warmed my heart to

see her face melt in sweet appreciation."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"

she said.So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"And that's how the fight





My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we

were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have

sex?""No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's how the fight







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