Jump to content

Any New Jokes


Recommended Posts

His request for transportation approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.


Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.


The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'


'Why?' asked the pilot.


'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News, and I need to get some close up shots.'


The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, 'You mean you're NOT my flight instructor?'


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Three women ... one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.


That night all three would wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and a mask over their eyes.


After a few days they meet again.


The engaged girlfriend said: "When my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask. He said, "You are The woman of my life, I love you. Then we made love all night long."


The mistress said: "Oh Yes! We met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night."


The married one then said: "I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"


Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man walking down the street sees a sign on the side walk "HAND JOB $100" so he walks in the shop and says to the lady behind the counter, "100 bucks for a hand job thats a rip off."


She replies, "Come over here. See that BMW parked over there? I paid for that in cash by my hand jobs."


The man thinks then hands over the cash and gets the best hand job he has ever had.


Two weeks later heâ??s walking down the same street and sees another sign that reads "BLOW JOB $250". So he walks in the shop and says to the lady behind the counter, "250 bucks for a blow job, thats a rip off!"


She replies, "Come over here. See that huge boat down on the harbor? I paid for that in cash by my blow jobs."


The man thinks then hands over the cash and gets the most amazing blow job heâ??s ever had.


Same man power walks down the street, no sign this time. He walks straight into the shop anyways.


He says to the lady, "Iâ??ve had your hand job and your blow job, but this time I want the full deal."


The lady replies, "Come over here." He moves over with a huge grin on his face.


"See that huge mansion on the water front?" He starts to nod his head, still with the stupid grin on his face.


Then she says, "Well if I had a pussy I could have paid for that in cash."

Edited by Guest
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man approaches a prostitute on the street and asks, "How much?"


She says "$300".


The man says "ok".


He takes her to his hotel room and immediatley begins to masturbate.


She says, "What the hell are you doing?"


He says, "What, you think youâ??re gonna get the easy one?"

Edited by Guest
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A teacher asks her class, 'if there are 5 birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many would be left?'


She calls to little Harry.


He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'


The teacher replies, 'the correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking'


Then little Harry says, 'I have a question for you Miss'


There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice-cream: 1 is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice-cream, the 2nd is gobbling down the top and sucking on the cone, the 3rd is biting off the top of the ice-cream.........'Which one is married?'


The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked on the cone'


To which little Harry replies, the correct answer is 'The one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking'......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. :cover:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Create New...