onetimequestion Posted March 7, 2008 Report Share Posted March 7, 2008 I moved to Chang Mai about 10 years ago and had the usual succession of girls through my fingers. Some stayed longer than others but no-one became serious until a girl about 5 years ago. We stayed together for a couple of years but then I found out she had cheated on me, not with a friend but with at least one other farang. I asked her to leave though we did try again for a short time to no avail. I was too hurt, my pride as well as my heart. I bounced back into the nightlife scene for what it is. I settled down with this girl from Khon Kaen who took away some of the pain and put a smile back on my face. I thought I was in love but I was only in denial, blotting out the love for the girl I had thrown out and wallowing in the fact that someone was not cheating on me and I kidded myself that I was happy. Sure, on a day to day basis I was happy but not deep down inside. I was still in love with the other girl but I hid it well. Time moved on and although I saw girl 1 a few times it was as if her position in life was on permanent hold, as if in limbo, just waiting for me to press the play, fast forward or rewind buttons. A few months ago my current relationship was badly over but I stuck with it. I saw girl 1 when girl 2 and I had a few weeks apart. She mentioned a boyfriend, maybe she might marry him, it was her time for a family, did I know that ? Xmas came and went as did January and February and I finally split up with girl 2. We had lived separately for about 3 months anyway so I contacted girl 1. She was about to get married. I realised I had missed the signals, her telling me her address, her giving me a lift home and only pulling herself back from coming inside in December on a number of occasions. The afternoons on the beach, her putting her legs over mine as we relaxed in view of her friends, the spark when our skin touched, even just a hair or an arm. So she signed on the dotted line because I was not available and another guy was, in her words, not bad. Not in love, but not bad and it was her time. Now I hear she may leave to go back to my country to a town only a few miles from my home. We are in contact. He has gone back. I want her back like I have never wanted anything before. I want to break this marriage of convenience and economic assistance. I can easily afford to replace his offer of a house and a car with another and not care about it, if that is the price to pay. I would gladly pay twice that. My question is this. If she still loves me more than him by her own admission and she entered into this to help her family, without love, because I was not available, then how bad is it that I encourage it to end or leave my home and position myself in her locality to assist this ? How bad is it to do this ? And for those of you with more knowledge than me, please for a second try to forget the rights and wrongs of this and just answer this question: If she were to dump him, either before going to Canada or when in Canada and before the wedding party scheduled for next year comes around, how bad would she be looked upon, how much of this face thing would she lose ? Then think that if the car is replaced and the house he is building is built but not with his money (he would be compensated for whatever he laid out) so that the financial terms are a minimum of a net zero and some is added to improve the balance, how does that affect her position and face ? Can she hold her head up high or would she be so doomed as to make her discount the option of leaving him for me ? Please, in your comments try not to judge whether I should substitute the assets which are the backbone of this relationship and marriage as to not do so would mean there was no chance for me. I take it that I have to do this. Please also try to understand that I cannot just walk away and forget. It will eat me up each day until there is nothing left. I am a fool I admit but please just concentrate on her and the description of events as they may transpire. I cannot do nothing yet all I can do is so drastic. I should have swallowed my pride years ago and never have led on girl 2 for so long. I need this or I will spiral into near certain mental death through anguish and desperation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderlust Posted March 7, 2008 Report Share Posted March 7, 2008 You sound like a total sap. Do you spend all your evenings listening to "Dry Your Eyes, Mate" by The Streets and come here expecting a similar attitude from normal men? Get a grip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faustian Posted March 8, 2008 Report Share Posted March 8, 2008 You don't love this girl, you only think you do...and she has been dishonest to you and everyone, especially Mr marriage of convenience. She also cheated on you before...and you want that kind of person???? Get a grip man. Your self esteem/ego need some work. Perception is the key, yours is askew. You are vulnerable and obsessed, but that isn't love. Let her go, do some work on yourself. Get well. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted March 8, 2008 Report Share Posted March 8, 2008 All the girls in LOS and you want one who has already cheated on you and is willing to cheat on her new bf/husband..... One question.....was she on the game when you met her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonjon058 Posted March 8, 2008 Report Share Posted March 8, 2008 You need to seek some professional help to fix whatever problem you have that makes you want this girl so badly. I say that in all seriousness. If you break up the marriage and marry the girl I can guarantee you will end up much more miserable than you are now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian2 Posted March 8, 2008 Report Share Posted March 8, 2008 That's not very nice bust, hookers make just as good wives as waitresses, shop girls, hotel receptionists or Porsche driving teenage virgins. If you'd taken any notice of my posts on relationships over the last couple of years you would be aware that it can work as long as one basic rule is followed. There's rules attached to all activities, footy, baseball... even a mediocre religion comes with several books full. The more lunatic ones have idiotic rules like loving one another. Even Rogueyam. I mean... give me a break. But in relationships with Thai women there is only one and it covers ALL eventualities. Write it down, have it tattooed on your person... NEVER FALL IN LOVE!!! So what does he do now? He can't live without her, so have her. On his terms. No house, no car, no kids, maybe a small flat around 2 to 3000B a month. Don't live with her, call in and bang her when horny. Screw around big time, don't care if she finds out. Never argue, just walk away and stay away for a few weeks if she starts screaming. Be in control! If she's good for a couple of years then think about a future. But even then never, ever, fall in love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumsoda Posted March 8, 2008 Report Share Posted March 8, 2008 Shit J2.... wish I'd had a beer and a chat with you 2.1643 years ago....LOL ..It CAN....and DOES happen!!! ...even with 2 decades of "experience" under the belt and thinking you're totally "Bullet proof"... Trust me, I know.... errr I mean a "very good friend"...told me Cheers (sometimes) DC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumsoda Posted March 8, 2008 Report Share Posted March 8, 2008 One question.....was she on the game when you met her? bust...one question.... What fcuking difference does that make?????? Some girls join the Army and shoot people to earn a living.....some girls fcuk... BIG fcuking deal!!!! Better to judge a person for WHO they are....NOT what !!! JMHO.....but I'm a tad biased Cheers DC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted March 8, 2008 Report Share Posted March 8, 2008 Shit J2.... wish I'd had a beer and a chat with you 2.1643 years ago....LOL ..It CAN....and DOES happen!!! ...even with 2 decades of "experience" under the belt and thinking you're totally "Bullet proof"... Trust me, I know.... errr I mean a "very good friend"...told me Cheers (sometimes) DC I DID TRY TO TELL YOU!!!...er your friend I mean. But a couple of cunts around here said I didn't know shit and you should go ahead...er your friend should go ahead...anyway, welcome to my world. and You, er your friend and I should welcome this FNG to the Si Saket Highway. Years from now, we, that is your friend and I will be laughing at all the guys who are still saying "...never will happen to me..." of course the club will be bigger by then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robaus Posted March 8, 2008 Report Share Posted March 8, 2008 Don't mind wonderlust. He's just a soppy old sentimentalist really! Love - it's completely irrational and takes you to drastic lengths. Been there, bought the T shirt etc. I look back on my own experience years ago now with ex TGF, and can't believe the desperate state I was in. Crikey, if you could only harness the energy, you could light up the national grid. But nothing anyone says can change the way you're feeling right now. You've got to resolve it all yourself... and you will eventually. With me now it's a case of ..my wife ran off with my best friend... whoever he is!! But back then I was a pathetic mess. My two bobs worth. I don't think you're ever going to get "true love" in the western sense from this girl, same as my situation years ago. It was more a case of you take care me; I take care you with a maybe a bit of affection thrown in. And she's accepted the first serious offer elsewhere without love, which reveals something of her nature. Try to analyse (ho ho ho) what it is you're in love with - if it's her beauty, then take a look at her mother and her grandmother. That's what you'll be waking up next to in a few years time. Maybe set her some sort of test. Promise her that you'll take care of her in exactly the same way as the other guy. See if she'll give up the certainty for your promise. But be careful. If things turn sour later, under falang laws there goes 50% of your entire net worth (or more if babies come along). This forum is littered with such stories. Good luck, mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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