Guest Posted November 10, 2002 Report Share Posted November 10, 2002 >>>On education, many years ago, my sister in law who had 6th grade formal school, took some correspondence class from "Garn Suksa Pooyai" (Adult education Program) and took some tests and passed something equivalent to the High School <<< that is the whole problem, if you just have the fourth grade, none of those schools will take you. it wasn't even my missus's fault, there were no schools going up to sixth grade in her village at that time. and there was civil war, her village was mainly supporting the communists, so there was always fighting in the mountains, sometime even shelling close to the village. her family is very poor, she worked when she was 12 years old already for ital-thai on local road and bridge construction sites for 15 baht a day. fortunately she has a proper profession. when the time came lots of other girls started moving into prostitution, she worked her way up in a restaurant, working 15 -16 hours a day, 2 days off a year for about seven years and became a cook. later on i was able to help her getting a proper certificate from a five star hotel. but here in thailand that means jackshit, as good places don't hire people who don't have a school certificate. one well known chef here desparately wanted to hire my missus as he knew her qualifications, but he could not do so because of the GM. and strangely, that GM was an expat and would not bend the stupid rules. what a fucking arsehole! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 10, 2002 Report Share Posted November 10, 2002 >>>I am wondering whether our common sense is weak because of our ego on education, what do you think?<<< one of the reasons why i never went to university. i fucked off when i was twenty, never looked back. here i was able to build my own life according to my own rules. :: and so far, i'm doing OK. i got my highs, i got my lows, but i am still as free as i want to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted November 10, 2002 Report Share Posted November 10, 2002 Even back in my home country where the partners will speak the same language, same background etc there is a 50% divorce rate. The number one reason of breakups is money! or lack there of. I hear that same rationale for the high divorce rate also. I also understand from many psychologists that money is the reason that people say that they divorce but the underlying motive is unhappiness based on unrealistic expectations about the relationship. Money is the rationalized manifestation of the couples failure. People think that if they had more money then their relationships would be happier. Instead they usually have no clue about how to compromise, sacrifice, and work with another individual to build a cohesive relationship. You add into the factor of having an uneducated barfly who will never be able to contribute substantually to the income of the family, who may be tramitized by the scene, who may or may not have some addictions because of the scene, who regards sex as a way of making money and not a bond between 2 people, who may or may not want to better herself and is content in a simple life and you do have a recipe for a distasterous marriage. The recipe for disaster occurs because you have a chef who doesn't understand how to prepare the dish. If a guy can't have a productive relationship in his home country how in the hell is he going to have one with a foreign woman BG or non-BG? Maybe the disaster occurs because many guys don't have an understanding of what it takes to have a healthy relationship with a woman. They may have all of these pre-conceived ideas and notions which are far from the reality. I think you can see it here on this board with the numerous posts that blatantly generalize and categorize stereotypical behaviours and attributes of Thai women (BG vs GTG, rural vs BKK sophisticate, educated vs uneducated, wealthy vs poor, tattooed body vs non-tatooed, Thai-Chinese vs Isaan, traditional Thai girl vs modern Thai girl, good family vs bad). Guys truly believe in the stereotypes of Thai women or even women in general and that is where the downfall of the relationships occur. they don't take the time and make the effort to learn about the individual they are with. The fact that a guy involves himself with a BG or lesser educated woman or poor woman does not make him lazy, if his relationship fails it is because he did not have an understanding of the individual woman he was with and reasonable expectations for success. Successful relationships are not borne of educational, financial and occupational compatability. They are the result of love(that thing we can never truly define), respect, compromise and sacrifice. Everything else is just window dressing. BTW - I think alot of the relationship problems in LOS stem from the mentality of guys who think they are "saving" a BG and feel that they are owed by their new loves or the other side of the spectrum is the guy who only involves himself with the non-BG and has this perception that the girl is interested in him because he is a "better" prospect than a Thai guy. Both thoughts lead to over inflated egos and unrealistic expectations in the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 10, 2002 Report Share Posted November 10, 2002 >>>BTW - I think alot of the relationship problems in LOS stem from the mentality of guys who think they are "saving" a BG and feel that they are owed by their new loves or the other side of the spectrum is the guy who only involves himself with the non-BG and has this perception that the girl is interested in him because he is a "better" prospect than a Thai guy. Both thoughts lead to over inflated egos and unrealistic expectations in the relationship. <<< very well said! one more, lots of guys come with the expectation to get that submissive little mouse who caters to his every little whim. well, that women is yet to be found in thailand... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 10, 2002 Report Share Posted November 10, 2002 to reply to the post of jjsushi ..... well i agree on many things what you say. but there is more to it then to blame the man that brings the girl to another country. or the lack of her social life or the fact that she might be a bargirl. offcourse many men treat their wifes or Gf bad as soon as they get back and he is on his ground now and dictates on what goes or not. the man is not anymore the funny guy that laughs and drinks and buy beers for her or take her to nice places. now the man must work and be responsible. exactly what they want in a man to work and be responsible but that side is not so fun to be with for many girls that are used to have fun all day long and go out dancing or whatever. if the girl belives in you and trust you i am sure no matter if she is bargirl or whatever she is she can be happy with you. the fact that they are lazy and use to be treated with some respect from many farangs at their homecountry is diffrent when they are overseas or in europe, people in that country tend to see them as bad girls if they dont speak fluently and also there is to many people that have been there and know all about them or what they heard of people beeing there. the life of getting away from the shame or the disrespect of others is getting back at them real fast. I am telling this cause i know many girls from thailand that lives here in sweden and i know many of them have been working in Bars, many are adapted to swedish culture now and are ashame of what they did and do not talk about it at all. if you joking about it they tend to get angry and pist at you or the one that made the comment, and if you say anything on thai and they dont know you well lets say like this," they left the smile back home in thailand" there is so much more to it to make a marriage or a relationship to work i think. First of all and the most important is the intention of the marriage. a man is in love yes and wants to spend his life with a girl he loves. a woman ? well nobody knows what a woman wants except maybe a woman and not even they are sure about what they want. its always up to you. for myself i will always try to have the best intentions and will in getting involved in a marriage 100% there is no way to it can work if you hesitate or think wrong or disrespect her. they way they think sometimes is also not an issue i think, maybe the way we try to change ourselfs to help them adapt and feel good is reflecting on us in a bad way and making us feel worse about ourselfs since we dont recognize us anymore? its like golf i guess. if you see 12 golfers out on the course you will for sure see 12 diffrent swings. but tehy all look the same and they all aim for the same goal. get the ball in the hole so in 12 releationships you can see 12 diffrent ways to handle it. and they all aim for the same goal. to put something in a hole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted November 10, 2002 Report Share Posted November 10, 2002 My best memories are from when I was poor. I think, because you know things are real then ------------------------ for me, one of the great lessong in my first trip to S.E.A. was the realization that we are so much encumbered with wealth and leisure in the west, and we forgot the basics. The people i met there gave me a reality check on the basics of life and what really matters. Never been the same since, and i am forever grateful to these people (friends or friendly : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted November 10, 2002 Report Share Posted November 10, 2002 I can't dispute anything you say. My argument was in response to Western men who indulge BG's or lesser educated women being lazy which implies that a western guy who pursues an educated non-BG is being productive which is a theory I don't buy into. I think it is simply different strokes for different folks. I was arguing from a one sided point of view rather than moderate one. Too many times on this board do we hear that everything is the BG or Thai womans's fault instead of saying that the farang was the one who screwed it up. I agree that relationships require a concerted effort from two people not one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted November 10, 2002 Report Share Posted November 10, 2002 Says jjsushi: Too many times on this board do we hear that everything is the BG or Thai womans's fault instead of saying that the farang was the one who screwed it up. I agree that relationships require a concerted effort from two people not one. JJ, Thanks you JJ, I'm trying to say this since 1 year in very subtle and less subtle ways....... You really need two to tango........ As a moderator here I have to read it all, but I very seldom I feel the need to interfere for fear of getting a biased opinion, sometimes I need to say out loud what I feel to be able to continue......... Cheers ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 11, 2002 Report Share Posted November 11, 2002 Hi p127, >>>>>The people i met there gave me a reality check on the basics of life and what really matters. Never been the same since, and i am forever grateful to these people (friends or friendly )<<<< Same-same for me. HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted November 11, 2002 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2002 Hi, [color:"red"] now the man must work and be responsible. exactly what they want in a man to work and be responsible but that side is not so fun to be with for many girls that are used to have fun all day long and go out dancing or whatever. [/color] The reality is not that hard to see if the women are mature enough. Bothy sides have to change and adjust. The problem with some women is the lack of understanding their environment, mixed with culture shock and a new married life, it spells disaster. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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