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A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Polish joke?"


The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm Polish. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's Polish. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's Polish. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"


The first guy says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."



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Three expectant fathers, a white guy, a black guy, and a Frenchman, were in the hospital waiting room. A doctor comes in and announces that he has some good news and some bad news, "The good news is that you each are the father of a healthy baby boy. The bad news is that we've mixed them up."


The three new fathers walk into the nursery. The white guy goes right to the black baby, picks him up and starts rocking him.


"What are you doing?" the black guy asks, "That is obviously my son."


"I know," said the white guy, "but I didn't want to accidentally get the French kid."


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St. Peter is inspecting the pearly gates of heaven, along with one of those Heaven supervisors. As it turns out, the gates need some work done, so St. Peter says he'll get right on it. The sup says that, according to regulation, three bids must be submitted before any work can be done. St. Peter, in shock because he doubts there will be ANY contractors in Heaven -- much less three -- agrees and proceeds to get his bids.


The first guy he finds is an Irishman. The Irish guy looks at the gates, inspects them, and bids $1200 for the project: $400 for parts, $400 for labor, and $400 for himself. St. Peter thanks the guy and says that once he has received two more bids, he'll get back to him.


The next guy St. Peter finds -- after an extensive search, mind you -- is an Italian. The Italian inspects the damage and bids $900: $300 for parts, $300 for labor, and $300 for himself. St. Peter thanks him and says that once another bid is received he'll make the decision of whom to contract with.


Finally, after an exhaustive search of Heaven, St. Peter finds the third and final contractor -- a Jewish guy. The Jew looks at the damage, inspects the gates, and bids $2900. "$2900!" cries St. Peter. "Yes. $1000 for you, $1000 for me, and $900 for the Italian to do the work."



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