Mia Noi Allowance

[jp1]

After having been to Europe for several days I just came across this interesting thread about having a Mia Noi and how much to pay for her. After carefully thinking whether to reply or ignore this thread I opted to out me a bit.

 

I?m traveling to Thailand at least once per month and met a beautiful and charming lady (working girl in a Karaoke Bar) almost 4 years ago. We met each other whenever I visited the LOS. In spite of her asking me several times to get divorced and marry her I decided to keep the status quo rather than looking for new adventures. Since I?m living in Japan and being married to a Japanese girl it was not too difficult for me to keep a lady in Thailand as well. My gf, or mia noi, accompanies me on many trips throughout the region and we also regularly spend some vacation together. I would never take her over to Japan because this would result in a loss of face for my wife as well as for me. We both agreed that this is the best way. She attends university right now and is quite busy. Since I?m transferred to China in mid 2004 there might be a chance that I take her over to live with me in Beijing. But this I can only decide when time is ripe.

 

Now to the costs of keeping this girl: It?s not cheap to keep her but due to the fact that I?ve a very nice income I can afford it.

 

She is living in a rented condo (far outside of Bangkok). Cost per month about THB 12.000. The monthly expenses on top of the rent are approx. THB 15.000 to 20.000. This includes everything else. We?ve a common bank account in Bangkok since more than 3 years and she can withdraw whatever she needs. I?ve still to see the day that she misuses the funds. I also pay for her University fees but this is relatively inexpensive.

 

 

With the present situation I feel quite comfortable and really do not want to change it. Only time will tell whether our relationship will survive in future but almost 4 years tell me that it seems to be rather stable.

 

It?s so nice to have a permanent girl and a nice place to stay when I?m in Thailand. I would not like to miss it.

 

Ahh, last but not least I care a bs about what she's doing when I'm not in Thailand. We call each other twice daily and if she has a Thai bf on the sidelines - so what - when I'm in BKK she stays with me and that's it.

[pattaya127]

We both agreed that this is the best way.

--------------------------

Uh...you mean you and your wife? .....

[jp1]

Nah.... the mio noi and me.

[JJsushi]

jp1 said:

 

In spite of her asking me several times to get divorced and marry her I decided to keep the status quo rather than looking for new adventures.

 

That's the part that is tough for me. Telling someone you care about "No, I can't give you that extra bit that will make you completely happy".

 

Those are the times I wish I could replicate myself and give each woman in my life her own personal JJsushi.

 

People ask me why I cheat or cant commit unconditionally. Pretty simple for me. Each woman gives me something that the others don't. I like variety.

[jp1]

That's the part that is tough for me. Telling someone you care about "No, I can't give you that extra bit that will make you completely happy".

 

That's tough for me as well. Chances are that we'll find together at a later time but who knows. Right now I don't want it. I can assure you that I really care for this girl -100%- in spite of not being legally married.

[Guest]

Hi JJ,

 

>>>You really do have to define what you mean by "there for them".<<<

 

What I meant was that by a guy planting his seed all over the place with different women, resulting in children, the kids are resigned to growing up in a one parent family, with an occasional visit from 'dad'.......Unless he spends every night making the rounds to all the different households to tuck them all into bed at night. Which we both know does not happen.

 

And I'm just not getting your analogy to drug use in the US?????

 

Yes...often you will have both parents working long hours in many places now days, but both are home at night, giving the kids that certain stability. I will admit to reading last year somewhere that a father spends an average of 20 minutes interacting with his kids a day. Pretty appalling. :: But apart from that, the kids know that if they are in trouble, parents will be there on a dime, and are available even if busy.

 

As opposed to a guy with multiple household's going. The response for most of those homes, as to "where is daddy?", would be, "I don't know". My point is that when you want to have a woman on the side, and have her start bearing your children, then additional considerations must be made to address that fact.

 

>>>>>Again a matter of perspective. What do you consider negative about such situations? Once again they are lifestyle decisions entered into by both parties. <<<<<

 

What I find negative about it, is the children do not have a stable father, and no say in the situation, as within your family. You seem to feel they wouldn't anyway, due to the total disinagration of the family unit, due to drug use, and general non-caring. ????

 

I don't buy your arguments for a second. Sorry....

 

HT

[JJsushi]

HIGH THAIED said:

Hi JJ,

 

>>>You really do have to define what you mean by "there for them".<<<

 

What I meant was that by a guy planting his seed all over the place with different women, resulting in children, the kids are resigned to growing up in a one parent family, with an occasional visit from 'dad'.......Unless he spends every night making the rounds to all the different households to tuck them all into bed at night. Which we both know does not happen.

 

Honestly I don't know if my uncle made his rounds every night and tucked in his children. I actually din't know that "tucking in" children was a requirement or responsibility of being a father/parent. I also don't know how you can assume that because a father is not living with the mother and child 24hrs a day then the result is the children are growing up in a one parent family as a negative thing. Are you saying the children are less happy or provided for? Will the children be deficient in some aspects that makes a whole human being?

 

Sorry HT but you still do not define what you mean by "being there for them". Your explanation lacks clarity.

 

 

 

And I'm just not getting your analogy to drug use in the US?????

 

The analogy is simple. Your from the US and basing your view off of our traditional nuclear family and methods of child raising. Well if the parents are "there" for their children then the US would not have the problem with drug use amongst it's youth. Parents would not need to have their children going to psyhchiatrists who medicate them to the gills in mind and mood altering drugs. You do realize that our children are the most overmedicated in the world and the primary consumers of mind and mood altering medications? Now how can this be if the traditional model of child raising ensures that parents are" there for their children"? There must be more to it than "tucking Little Billy in at night".

 

Yes...often you will have both parents working long hours in many places now days, but both are home at night, giving the kids that certain stability. I will admit to reading last year somewhere that a father spends an average of 20 minutes interacting with his kids a day. Pretty appalling. :: But apart from that, the kids know that if they are in trouble, parents will be there on a dime, and are available even if busy.

 

 

Like I mentioned before if "being there" was as simple as parents being in the house at night and kids knowing " that if they are in trouble,parents will be there on a dime and are available" then we wouldn't need to have our kids going to therapy and chewing anti-depressant medication like vitamins.

 

 

 

 

What I find negative about it, is the children do not have a stable father, and no say in the situation, as within your family. You seem to feel they wouldn't anyway, due to the total disinagration of the family unit, due to drug use, and general non-caring.

 

What is a stable father HT? Do you honestly believe that every culture in the world that does not raise it's children according to the traditional American model will produce maladjusted offspring or negtively affects the welfare of their offspring?

[JJsushi]

 

I'm really not passing jugement, and understand it is ingrained in certain cultures.

HT

 

I will again say that you are passing judgement. You are also very culturally biased to the point that if you truly don't understand something you are extremely critical of it. If you truly did have an open mind you would find that there are many ways to raise children outside of our American view of the nuclear family. In some cultures the women raise the children, the grandparents,the village,etc.

 

I had a girlfriend from Jamaica whose parents immigrated to America to find good employment when she was 3 years old leaving her and her 3 brothers and sisters to be raised by her grandmother(with aunts,uncles and cousins helping out). Her parents brought them all to the US 10years later. For a decade of her life her parents were nothing but old photographs and periodic phone calls. She and her siblings came out okay and they all got along well living with the parents again. Were her parents" there" for her? Were they not there for their children because they did not live with them for a decade?

 

When I used a car service in NYC I had a regular driver from Ghana. He was in the US for 25yrs leaving his wife and 5 children in Africa. He sent back most of his meager pay to take care of them. He was able to visit on the average of once every 3 years. I never met a man more proud of his family and the fact that he was taking care of them. He had pictures on the dashboard of the car of his family to remind himself why he was driving a car everyday. Does this sound like an "unstable" father? Would you say he is "not there" for his children? Do you think his children are emotionally scarred beyonf repair because their father was not there to "tuck them in at night" ?

 

 

Not to get too personal but you mention that you have a Thai GF now that you met online and that you care about(maybe love) deeply. You also mentioned that you are incapable of moving to LOS and would have a problem even visiting more than a couple of times a year to see her.

 

Can you honestly say that you are "there" for your GF? Can you honestly perform the "traditional" duties and respnsibilities of a boyfriend in a caring and intimate relationship? Some might question the basis of your relationship simply because it is little more than the modern day equivalent of being a pen pal. Some men see their kept women several times a week and provide for their every need in more ways than you can currently do chatting online with your Thai GF. The same way you have a problem understanding why a man would have a kept woman; some men may not understand why you would waste your time investing in a woman you will rarely see, except with the aid of a webcam.

 

Please understand I am not attacking or criticizing your relationship in the least. I am merely pointing out that you have involved yourself in a certain "lifestyle" that is outside of the boundaries of a "traditional relationship". The current relationship that you have of chatting online with your GF and visiting once a year is sufficient to some degree in order for you to continue it, there is nothing wrong with that. It is all a matter of perspective and choice.

[think_too_mut]

>She is living in a rented condo (far outside of Bangkok). Cost per month about THB 12.000. The monthly expenses on top of the rent are approx. THB 15.000 to 20.000. This includes everything else.

 

Your prices are identical to mine. 5k for mum included. As both girls are doing major works on self improvement (Uni studies) while being supported it may be different to a real mia-noi situation where a a woman could be kept just to sit pretty, not to fight for her grades.

 

To the original poster: my tag line is what my gf answered when asked 3 years ago to tell me the difference. Her exact wording.

[buffalo_bill]

jp1,

 

in the name of science : this lady of yours is not a Mia Noi , she is a girlfriend as you seem to be doubtful yourself. Entertaining a Mia Noi means to draw a tough line between Mrs. jp1 and madame in condo Khrungthep. A Mia Noi does not endanger your status at home because her role is by definition Second Wife . Reading your post you seem to be not very sure who wins the battle in the end. Consequently you have no Mia Noi, are therefore off topic ynd KS will ban you soon.

 

Why do you hang around in Karaoke halls anyway, you big butterfly I think.

 

BuBi