Mia Noi Allowance

[Guest]

JJ,

 

>>>I will again say that you are passing judgement. You are also very culturally biased to the point that if you truly don't understand something you are extremely critical of it.<<<<

 

My last posts were based on your example of a guy being married, and having 3 girlfriends, all producing children by him. I could care less if he has 50 mia noi's. Makes no difference to me, and I do understand that as a chosen lifestyle. I make no jugements about that at all.

 

My concern is about having multiple kids with multiple mia noi's. No offense, but I did have to laugh at your statement about my not understanding anything outside of my American family nucleus vision. My American view is that 50% of all marriages now end in divorce. In the black community alone, something like 70% of all kids now are living in a single parent home. And many kids are a mess, as you yourself have mentioned. Much of it attributable to the fact that many of these single mom's must work 2 jobs, which often leaves the kids unsupervised, IMO.

 

The nature of having a mai noi is to set her up away from family. Tucked away, out of sight from wife, bussiness, and the rest of society.... and so must the kids of these women. If not, then there would be no need to set up whole other households.....you could just build an exstention onto your house, and have everybody living together.

 

Given that fact, I find the situation of having kids, only to be tucked away out of sight, distrurbing. While the father may take economic care of them, he cannot really publicly agknowledge them, and all that that entails. He certainly will not ever be taking the girlfriend and their kids shopping at MBK, for fear of someone seeing them, and causing his wife to lose face. I find that having your father not being to agknowledge you to a large degree, rather troublesome.

 

Sure, like you say, it is a lifestyle choice. But when you start bringing children into the world, who you know before they are even born, that you will only be able to have limited contact with, is something I will never be non-judgemental about. If you can't stand up and be a real father to your kids, you have no business pumping them out.

 

Disclaimer: The above is a generalization. I do realize that there might be some situations where the mia noi and wife are aware of each other, and that wife recognizes her husband's girlfriend's child. I do believe this to be quite rare though.

 

As far as your other comments about different lifestyles, I do agree. We have many Fillipino's here who will leave family to come to work for 3-4 years, send money back home, and save up to buy a house back home. And as far as my g/f? Working to bring her over here now. But all these other situations have nothing to do with mia noi's. And more specific, mia noi's having benefactors kids. It's that alone I am concerned about, for the reason given above. I have no problem with any of the rest of it. Although I do believe a kid will have a better chance at happiness being brought up in a 2 parent home, in general terms, no matter what the situation, assuming both are loving role-models. That is not to mean you cannot produce a great person in a 1 parent home. I just think there are many advantages to having two caregivers, as opposed to only one. Just ask any single mom if she wishes if her child had a father figure around for them. I think most would answer "yes", the same being the child's wishes, as well.

 

HT

[jp1]

Hi BuBill,

 

Thanks for clarification. Yes I'm doubtful and don't still know which way to go. That's exciting, isn't it? ::

[buffalo_bill]

jp1 ,

 

not exciting because one lady wil be hurt in the end and I always have it as a golden rule that exactly this does never happen, hence 6000 miles distance in my case.

 

BuBi , with the good heart

[JJsushi]

HIGH THAIED said:

 

My concern is about having multiple kids with multiple mia noi's. No offense, but I did have to laugh at your statement about my not understanding anything outside of my American family nucleus vision. My American view is that 50% of all marriages now end in divorce. In the black community alone, something like 70% of all kids now are living in a single parent home. And many kids are a mess, as you yourself have mentioned. Much of it attributable to the fact that many of these single mom's must work 2 jobs, which often leaves the kids unsupervised, IMO.

 

Actually I was referring to the suburban Caucasian and middle class on up families. Single black mothers cannot afford psychotherapy sessions and Ritalin for their kids.

 

 

The nature of having a mai noi is to set her up away from family. Tucked away, out of sight from wife, bussiness, and the rest of society.... and so must the kids of these women. If not, then there would be no need to set up whole other households.....you could just build an exstention onto your house, and have everybody living together.

 

Given that fact, I find the situation of having kids, only to be tucked away out of sight, distrurbing. While the father may take economic care of them, he cannot really publicly agknowledge them, and all that that entails. He certainly will not ever be taking the girlfriend and their kids shopping at MBK, for fear of someone seeing them, and causing his wife to lose face. I find that having your father not being to agknowledge you to a large degree, rather troublesome.

 

Sure, like you say, it is a lifestyle choice. But when you start bringing children into the world, who you know before they are even born, that you will only be able to have limited contact with, is something I will never be non-judgemental about. If you can't stand up and be a real father to your kids, you have no business pumping them out.

 

Like all things situations change as do relationship dynamics. That is why I mentioned to you before that you can't put these human relationships into neat little boxes and spreadsheets. Your ideals of family, love and relationships are not ironclad models of success. A kept woman today might be the primary wife tomorrow. A relationship based on sex or simple companionship may evolve into unconditional love. An ideal nuclear family may deteriorate into a fully dysfunctoanl unit. That is just the way life is.

 

My uncle has always acknowledged his children and yes the primary wife does know about them as does the entire family. He himself has broken the tradition of keeping everything quiet and hidden for his own reasons. How great of a father he has been I have no idea. I have met all of my cousins and they all seem to be grreat people. How much of that is attributed to him "being or not being there", as you put it I do not know,

 

I have seen too many different ways of children being raised to simply say that there is a "best way" to raise a child. I have seen kids raised in ideal traditional nuclear families turn out to be little monsters and vice versa. I have seen kids in single mother homes turn out to be amazing and vice versa. I even know a couple of lesbians who are raising a child with no problems whatsoever so far. I know of people raised by their single fathers,their aunts, grandmothers,adopted,etc. who are good people and don't appear to have huge emotional or psychological baggage and scars. What i find more interesting is that I know of several individuals who are the products of divorced homes who may have 2 different fathers and 3 different mothers along with several half brothers and sisters. The extended nuclear family seems to be more of the norm these days. And really stretch your theory of having a father who is "there" for the kids.

[..]

"My concern is about having multiple kids with multiple mia noi's."

 

My understanding of the subject tells me that it is VERY bad form for a mai noi to become pregnant. That is not part of the deal. I am sure it happens on occasion, but very rare.

 

Cheers,

SD

[JJsushi]

HIGH THAIED said:

 

In the black community alone, something like 70% of all kids now are living in a single parent home. And many kids are a mess, as you yourself have mentioned. Much of it attributable to the fact that many of these single mom's must work 2 jobs, which often leaves the kids unsupervised, IMO.

 

Interesting that you bring this up to support your argument. I once attended a lecture given by a prominent black professor and author years ago. I never read his books or heard of him. I went to the lecture because a friend invited me.

 

The professor claimed that the entire problems of the Black community being attributed to the fact that the majority of children are raised by unwed single welfare mothers is really a product of the White Liberal media and politicians.

 

He provided evidence that Black people for their entire existence here in America have always been the products of single mothers families. The entire slavery system was built around it. You remove the Back male father figure and you replace him with the Plantation owner. As a result Black people have adapted to that loss of the Black male figure and implemented a very strong matriarchal family system and a tradition of the community helping to raise the children. The problem today according to the lecturer was that the Black community itself was being destroyed for numerous reasons that I won't get into.

 

The "Crack wars" and "Black on Black" violence is always blamed primarily by the media pundits on Black children being raised in single parent homes by welfare mothers who are not strong enough to control them.

 

I find it interesting that when you had the suburban White children going on killing sprees of their own a few years ago not one of these same media pundits blamed the family structure of the children or even questioned how they were raised. After all these psychopathic children came from ideal nuclear families, so that can't be the problem. The culprit logically according to these experts were video games and Arnold Schwazeneger movies. Violence in the media was why these White children decided to go to school armed with automatic weapons and kill 20 of their classmates.

 

Amazing how when a Black child kills another Black child it is the fault of the single parent home yet when White child kills another White child it is the fault of media violence and not parenting.

 

So I really don't see how you can say that the problems of Black children is a result of them being the products of single mother households; considering that has been that way since the slave trade in America. How would you explain the problems of White suburban youth?

[Guest]

HIGH THAIED said:

 

The fact they are sacrificing "LOVE" to be taken care of, is very telling. To me, that alone salitifies what the situation is.

HT

 

Met a very sensual Peruvian woman a few years back, shaped like Marilyn Monroe and always talking about sensual things. Though she was married she just seemed to ooze passion. She thinks I'm handsome and through the exchange of compliments we begin to break the ice. I know all along she's married and that defines our boundaries for me. It's only talk right? Anyway, after the occasional conversation over 2 years time I know she's on husband #4 and very happy with the arrangement. I think she must be bonkers for love. Right? So, I say to her, "Being that this is #4, and you are obviously so happy you must really love him" to which she replies, "Love? I have never married a man for love, and I never will! I do not allow myself to love." Needless to say, romantic sap that I am, I'm dumbfounded. Why, pray tell, I ask.

 

She, very matter of fact and forthcoming, tells me that her parents were very passionate people and deeply in love, but also fought constantly, sometimes viciously, as there was much jealously between them. Then, she says, one day when I was 16, I watched as my father took out a gun in mid-argument and shot my mother dead. I resolved then and there, she tells me, that love was too foolish, and the costs too great. Love was a dangerous a thing in her mind from that moment on.

 

My point- there can be many historiographies at play within a woman, or a man, for that matter, that define later what their priorities are in life. Poverty too, as the background context of a womans coming of age might resolve a woman to 'love' a strictly financial affair with a man for what it is- security=peace of mind and value it far more than any romantic idealic notion of emotions.

 

As for love? In terms of a developing economy, it's simply a silly western notion, and not a very prudent one at that some might say. And I would imagine that many who would agree with this prioritization could be found working a stage or bar near you.

[soongmak]

My point- there can be many historiographies at play within a woman, or a man, for that matter, that define later what their priorities are in life. Poverty too, as the background context of a womans coming of age might resolve a woman to 'love' a strictly financial affair with a man for what it is- security=peace of mind and value it far more than any romantic idealic notion of emotions.

 

Great post, Gohok!

[Guest]

>>>>>How would you explain the problems of White suburban youth?<<<<<

 

You're not listening JJ. I already did. 50+% of US marriages end in divorce. Remember? I never said it was exclusive to the black sector. Their numbers just seem to be a little higher, so I used that as an example. I, in no way, implied it was only endemic to that race. It is problematic across the board.

 

After WW2, the baby boom gereration was born. People married, had kids, and the creation of the great urban sprall began. Dad worked, and the mom usually stayed at home to watch after the kids. She didn't need to work. The economy was such, that she could stay home to play housewife. Kids might go out and drink some beers and swallow some goldfish before needing to be home by their 11:00 curfew time.

 

Most kids had two caregivers there to watch their every move, and direct their life. There was no drive-by shootings, rampant drug use, and gang wars. The landscape has changed since then. Mom needs to work for the family to prosper. Dad can no longer just work 9 to 5 with weekends off. This has left our youth with a lot more unsupervised time on their hands. This problem became a national campaign a few decades back. Do you remember the media blitz "It's 11:00. Do you know where your kids are?"?

 

All I'm saying is that it's hard enough today to supervise your kids in today's environment. But to bring a kid into the world knowing you are virtually ensuring this, is irresponsible to me. The mentality of just getting your rocks off, and too bad that a slew of kids might be the result, and that they will just have to deal with not having you (father) around for them, is pathetic, imo.

 

We're getting a little off topic here, so I will end my sermon. I just feel mia noi's having punter's babies is a bad idea. You can call me judgemental all you want. Adults can chose any lifestyle they see fit, but when kids come into the picture, I will have an opinion, and speak out. As I think is the responsibility for everyone to do likewise. It doesn't mean my opinion may be right, but freedom of lifestyles is one thing. When it starts to impact others, particularly those incapable of choosing their own, it is another.

 

HT

[pattaya127]

my tag line is .....Her exact wording.

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I think you should send your tag line to school too. It's 3 years behind in its use of english :grinyes: