Stickman Posted January 29, 2004 Report Share Posted January 29, 2004 Ask yourself if you are TRULY willing to take on supporting the child. I do not know exactly how much that would cost, but everything from clothes, school fees, school uniform, toys, food, and other miscellaneous costs would have to be at least 5,000 baht a month I would have thought. Yep, I know they can be raised on less, but?. Are you prepared to pay that? If you are not, tell her now. One thing I have noticed with some Thai woman is an ugly tendency to start presenting certain issues soon after marriage that require either one off payments, or ongoing expenses. You need to be very honest with her about this sort of thing before marriage. Josh Ingu made an excellent post in another thread, which wile on another subject, covered this issue. Stick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lembeh Posted January 29, 2004 Report Share Posted January 29, 2004 Seems to me that this is exactly what is being discussed in another thread (the "It fucking hurts". No, its not a thread about STD's!). Anyway, succinctly, it *seem* the same two problems again: miscomunication and finances. As I said in the other thread, you *have* to be CLEAR about financial matters. from what you seem to have said is : I am giving you a one off, 6K payment for your kid, thats it, don't ask for more as I don't have it. Six thousand baht is good for, what 2 months, 3 months? You are expecting her to leave her kid with 2 to 3 months support?? That does not sound reasonable, even to me. She is *trying* to explain her finances to *you*. Her mother has 10 rai of land. I will *assume* here that this is rice land. OK, thats the source of the family income. I am sure some one better informed than me can give you a rough ball park figure for income from this land when the rice is sold (remembering of course that a fair portion will be kept for own consumption). OK. So she has laid out her family finances and income for you. She is also telling you fairly clearly that having to ask you for money each time is a situation that is not comfortable (all round). Not for her, not for you, and one that will give problems in the long run. You *can't* expect her to leave all behind and NOT make any provisions for the care and welfare of her kid and mother. You may also well be "over-emphasising" the "I have no money". Are you *really* not prepared to come up with at least a few K a month to send back for her daughthers support? Thats the impression she (and I!) seem to have. To go back to the other thread: Points 1, 3, 5, 7 and 11 (LOL)...have you been CLEAR about finances with her? -j- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pescator Posted January 29, 2004 Report Share Posted January 29, 2004 Hi Thai3 I don`t wanna comment on the financial aspects just wanna give you my 2 cents worth on the situation with her 5 year old son. Why don`t you guys consider bringing him along with his mother? He has just the right age, hasn`t started school yet and will be able to adjust to life in UK in no time. Will without a doubt develop fluency in both thai and english if you bring him at this stage. Then she wouldn`t have to worry about him, nor send money to support him. It never ceases to amaze me to witness the remarkable ease with which many thai mothers leave their kids in someone elses care. :: Cheers Hua Nguu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 29, 2004 Report Share Posted January 29, 2004 >>>>can I afford her?<<<< If you have to ask, you probably can't. Just kidding. Well....just a little. Seriously, I think you need to have this issue totally solved between you, if thinking of marriage. I'm in a similar situation, and think you need to explain what your income is to her, your expenses, and what, if anything, will be left over. And if there is something left, where it will go. I think it best, especialy with a Thai girl ( due to cultural issues), that it is exstremly clear what the money situation will be when married. After doing so, she can make a commitment knowing what the situation will be, or move on to something more acceptable to her, and possibly her family as well, who may very well tell her whether she can marry you, or not, based on what they perceive the situation to be. If you have assets, a pre-nup would not be out of the question either. I would suggest to take your time, and feel very comfortable with her realization of your situation, and that she has a clear understanding of it. She will undoubtedly inform her family of the circumstances, and then you can go from there. >>>>Yes We knew each other about 3 year but we do not know in real each other .. Morever I just know you outside. You know I did wrong before so I afraid that ask your money and ask myself that You do love me or not.. I feel you just talk kidding.. I fear about my life and my future and about marraige. <<<< This paragraph from her would be very troubling to me. She is saying you two really don't know each other in real, and she is not even convinced that you love her, and is very worried about her future, as she should be. IMO, you have many issues to discuss, to make her feel totaly comfortable about what marriage to you will mean for her. She is not being unreasonable in this request. Marriage with anybody is maybe the most important decision you will ever make. Don't do it, unless you are both on the same page concerning every aspect. Just my opinion. HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted January 29, 2004 Report Share Posted January 29, 2004 It never ceases to amaze me to witness the remarkable ease with which many thai mothers leave their kids in someone elses care. Hi, I thought like you as well and posed the question a couple of months back. You can find the discussion here . Made me understand somewhat better why it happens. Cheers, soongmak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pescator Posted January 30, 2004 Report Share Posted January 30, 2004 Hi Soongmak, Thanks for supplying the link. Interesting thread. I also made a post on this very subject a while ago, will try to locate it. Cheers Hua Nguu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iuytrede Posted January 30, 2004 Report Share Posted January 30, 2004 "They often take our dedication as an understanding that whatever is needed, we will provide unquestionningly. make that in capitals: UNQUESTIONNINGLY." Make that "whatever is wanted" for some of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted January 30, 2004 Report Share Posted January 30, 2004 "...can I afford her?..." No, you cannot. If you have to ask the price, you cannot afford it. There is nothing in this world more expensive than a woman and "free Sex..." But if you love each other, then try and see what happens... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thai3 Posted January 30, 2004 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2004 Mr Josh I have been discussing with her what we (I) should send a month, not a one off payment. She tells me I have it wrong as she has been sending 4000 a month. Most people agree 2-3 is enough for a kid in buri ram, but 5,000 is what I will probably send. She is afraid she says as she does not want to be in the same position as her friend who married a swede three years ago. He paid 100000 sinsot and bought the girl a new car. Now though he is regarded as 'stingy' as he will not bail out the large debts that the girl (or family, not sure) has been keeping a secret.Don't bame him. My GF assures me neither she not the family have any large debts apart from a govt one for farming which most families seem to have, so I am not sure why she is afraid, I tell her she thinks too much!-peter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thai3 Posted January 30, 2004 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2004 shygye said:She will be able to find a job. Even a min. wage job, she should clear 15K baht per month easy. Work out a budget and tell her how much you can give until she takes over the payments with her wages. When will you bring the child over to your country? I have done this and suggest when she is earning that we send half each. As for importing the kid I am not sure this is a good idea, I don't want to be in the UK so I don't see why we should uproot the kid. Kid does not even like bkk and moans to go back to buri ram. Will see how the GF fells about it after a couple of years-peter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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