Grabii Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 HT, My situation is similar. Also a middle-class family, although not well off enough to own a car. (My wife does own a car, but not her parents.) So it should come as no surprise that I agree with you. My wife's (extended) family is concerned about their daughter's / niece's emotional supoort every bit as much as about her financial support - her happiness is the family's number one concern. At the same time my wife's obligation to her family is in time of need, not day to day. At the moment and for the foreseeable future they neither expect nor want anything from her. I think that one of the things that dooms some Thai-farang marriages, including perhaps my last one, is the assumption that the Thai woman's driving motivation is financial - and if that is satisfied she will be happy. I can't agree that this is the case. Some relationships may start out that way, but when the woman's financial needs are met she will next look to satisfy her emotional needs. If a guy isn't providing both the relationship is doomed. Grabii HIGH THAIED said:Hi New Petchburi Pete, It's all different. My girl comes from a middle-class home with 2 new SUV's in the driveway, and a very nice house. They do not need my income to survive, and are not seeking it. My gf does give money to her grandmother when she can, because that is who raised her, and whom she feels most commited too. Their concern is that their daughter has found someone who will love her, and take care of her. Not finanacially, but emotionally. I spent a good deal of time with her family this time, and they assured me that this is their only concern, in that I was honest in my love for her, and that I felt the same as she does for me. The illusion that every Thai girl relationship needs to be tied to money is false. Her family's desire is to have their daughter be happy. They all are well apraised of my recent divorse, and the financial devastation that insued. They just want to see their baby happy. HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phoenix Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 I think HSTEACH summarised that well. In marrying this Thai woman, you will have to accept her obligations to her family. You may want to negotiate the limits, but cannot ignore her sense of duty altogether. 5000-6000 per months for the child seems reasonable, but other emerging issues (mother's medical costs etc) will need to be dealt with on a one off basis as they arise. But you cannot totally ignore these either. re the suggestion about the child staying in Thailand or coming to England, I agree that while the mother is still very uncertain about her future in falangland, the child will probably be better off with family in Buriram. Re-asses the situation after six months or one year of marriage. I personally tend to believe that a child is generally best off being brought up in close proximity to its mother, irrespective of culture, but in this case, the mother is going to need all her energy in the first year getting adjusted to living in falangland and in a new marriage, so i think she'll be better off not having to deal with the cultural adjustment problems of her child as well. Later, that maybe less of a problem. Can you afford her? I think you can. Do you want to? Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Thai3, quick question, does the 6K a month include school fees and carer's salary? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarfman_II Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Thai3 dont be discouraged by all these mean trollies. you have every right to question what u should be sending back home to the villagers. 6k is madness. 2 - even 3 daughters or sons working in the big city couldnt send that amount home. offer 3k and to take it or leave it. -------------------------------------- i also agree with everyone that disagrees. if this offends anybody i am sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Conformist said:Thai3 dont be discouraged by all these mean trollies. you have every right to question what u should be sending back home to the villagers. 6k is madness. 2 - even 3 daughters or sons working in the big city couldnt send that amount home. offer 3k and to take it or leave it. -------------------------------------- i also agree with everyone that disagrees. if this offends anybody i am sorry Sorry mate, but sure not my experience. My girl regularly sent 6-8K home a month plus paid off a huge farm debt. 6K a month if the kid is in school is not over the top IMO. Unless you want to keep them in abject poverty. Sure they can get by on 3k ........ but never get ahead. Go check out the price for kids clothes, books, maybe a little health care, do toys count or maybe a bike...... you remember......the stuff kids all over the world want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarfman_II Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 LaoHuLi: I agree that there are extraordinary girls - maybe the one you mentioned. But honestly have u seen the transfer slips amounting to 6-8k per mo (dont lie)? if not then i dont believe you - or her - maybe just a bargainning chip. Sorry, up country kids dont read books or ride bikes or sleep in a fluffy bed or get what kids want all over the world. If thai3 sent 6k per mo it would be used for something else. financing dads drinking or paying off brother or uncles motorcycle. otherwise i agree with you. if this offends then i am sorry and didnt mean to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 Yep. 2 years of seeing this every month. and she is not considered the 'best' provider. BTW.......... I don't lie. especially about silly little stuff like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 LaoHuLi: 6000-8000 a month is more than can be hoped for when a person from upcountry when they go down to the big city. If the family is complaining that your GF is not "the best provider' as you put it, it's got more to do with her being attached to a Farang. You see, all the other girls with Farang 'boyfriends' send back 20000 a month. Seriously. A tale of two farangs. My wifes hometown: a girl in her late twenties (no real beauty queen) comes to visit with her poor mid fortyish BF who she desperately loves. Opinions of friends and relatives: She is stupid, she has a farang boyfriend and he doesn't even have any money. Same town: a beautiful girl comes back after working the bars, with a German husband - the stereotypical fat, balding, bearded, ugly German in his fifties. He builds her a nice big house, buys Dad a car and pays a nice big Sin Sod. Opinions of friends and relatives: the luckiest and smartest girl in the world and someone to really be proud of. Obviously not a go at you or your girl, more of an explanation of the attitudes up there as I perceive them and as they've been explained to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiHome Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 "to take it or leave it." You do not appear to have read the entire thread. If you have this attitude, the relationship is doomed. TH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 3, 2004 Report Share Posted February 3, 2004 DrNickRiviera said:LaoHuLi: 6000-8000 a month is more than can be hoped for when a person from upcountry when they go down to the big city. If the family is complaining that your GF is not "the best provider' as you put it, it's got more to do with her being attached to a Farang. You see, all the other girls with Farang 'boyfriends' send back 20000 a month. Seriously. A tale of two farangs. My wifes hometown: a girl in her late twenties (no real beauty queen) comes to visit with her poor mid fortyish BF who she desperately loves. Opinions of friends and relatives: She is stupid, she has a farang boyfriend and he doesn't even have any money. Same town: a beautiful girl comes back after working the bars, with a German husband - the stereotypical fat, balding, bearded, ugly German in his fifties. He builds her a nice big house, buys Dad a car and pays a nice big Sin Sod. Opinions of friends and relatives: the luckiest and smartest girl in the world and someone to really be proud of. Obviously not a go at you or your girl, more of an explanation of the attitudes up there as I perceive them and as they've been explained to me. I believe your perceptions need a little broadening. :: Or you need to change the villages and company you keep. The original question was if 6K a month was way too much to send for the upkeep of a rural child in school. I don't believe it is. But I would rather send a couple 1000 more than was absolutely necessary to keep them in poverty. Who knows maybe they can even get ahead a little. Next thing you know they will have enough to have fun once in a while. If you ever get a gf with a child, you can take them shopping for clothes, books, lunch kits, coloring pencils, little backpacks, ........... or perhaps you would prefer to send then somtam food stamps and a 7-11 bag for lunches. Guess it depends on how much you care for your gf and the kid. Spend it lad, you're not taking it with you.BTW my gf family has never complained about any amount I have or have not sent them. And they have never asked for a baht. I am a poor as them sometimes and they have always welcomed me warmly. Not all people or families are the same. Hope you have learned more than the tales from your wifes village you relate here. Seriously Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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