gummigut Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 "It never ceases to amaze me to witness the remarkable ease with which many thai mothers leave their kids in someone elses care." This kind of remark always amazes me. You could make this asinine remark about chinese too. Look at all those people in chinatown in a western city. How many of those people left their family (wife, kids, etc...) so they could work and send money back home? Knew many of these situations myself. Your talking about someone coming from an economically disadvantaged country. Wake up and smell the coffee. Poverty sucks. Also, if this argument is over 6,000 baht for HER CHILD, then I suggest you cut the strings now and stop wasting each other's time. <<burp>> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 "It never ceases to amaze me to witness the remarkable ease with which many thai mothers leave their kids in someone elses care." In desparate times, you do what you gotta do! and what is that phrase about walking a mile in another's shoes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_numbers Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 My 2 satang : BG's are often poor, displaced from home, and dependent on Farangs who frequent bars:eek: I would be scared out of my wits too relying on a bar-bound punter as a life-commitment. Try to get your head around that??! I agree with OH about walking in someone else's shoes, and remember people in the first world struggle too with poverty, and sometimes land in identical tangles with money and kids as BG's. One of my best friends is a American Chinese Girl who was raised in Hong Kong by Grandma and Grandpa. Why? Mom and Dad were struggling in a dingy flat in NYC to make ends meet and were terribly young --- They shipped her off and brought her back when she was about 7.. Girls in Bangkok cutting threads and hitting the road to the city with mum back home baby in arms is a function of the place, finances, and in no way a reflection of something "Thai". cheers, the_numbers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iuytrede Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 "She is afraid she says as she does not want to be in the same position as her friend ..." That's pretty clear, isn't it? After your marriage you won't be able to say you didn't know what to expect. She found a farang who feels uncomfortable with 6000 B/month payments just because the excuse for these payments (kid in Buriram) doesn't fit the amount - as if this would matter to her. She (or the family) just wants 6000, simple as that. And she is honest enough to give you an idea about the order of magnitude of future payments she expects: 100000+new car would be considered stingy if there are no follow-up payments. You probably can afford her. Few Westerners (especially Swedes) really have no way to come up with 100000 B + a new car + let's say half a million Baht more. They may need to work hard for it, maybe need help from the bank or their family - as if their TG's family would care! Another question is whether you want to afford her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Petchburi Pete Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 Ah, love & money! I can tell you that she doesn't fully understand you; and, understanding the financial 'scene' (for farang) is like stepping into a 3 ring circus! ... especially when the impoverished are involved, as in Isaan, etc. Generally, according to the way the Thais are brought up, and especially for those from poor families, the gals truely believe that, but may mistakingly assume that, if you love them, you'll love the family ... and, with that being the case, why would you not 'take care of' those you love? I believe Stickman worded it this way some time back ... yeah, perhaps in the sense of a warning ... so, he deserves credit. Sinsot: many also mistakingly assume that paying this tribute puts an end to the financial responibility ... not the case (!!! ... and, I speak from experience) with the poor, who cannot afford to feed themselves or seek medical care, nor find or travel far enough to find employment. Usually, it's all about money. Input I can provide ... ? advice, not easy when love is involved. ... Hey, what about Barcelona, Rio, or Costa Rica ?... different culture though & just kidding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Petchburi Pete Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 Now the Mrs. is chiming in! She just reminded me that what I just relayed about loving the family ... it's the Thai culture. Best scenario: seek out someone nice who has no family! Really, I met one expat who married such a gal (very nice) ... lucky bastard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 I also must echo this. I live in Hawaii, where there are many, many Fillipino workers here, working 2-3 jobs, who have had to leave their wife and kids behind, in order to provide for them, and find a way for them to have a better life. I feel for these guys. They are very good people, just trying their best to provide for their family, although missing them greatly, while having to be away from them. I often feel I can only hope to begin to have that kind of honest commitment that I see in them. I see it as love in it's truest form, but is often mistaken for something else. HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Petchburi Pete Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 The Mrs. jumped in again: they're taught in childhood that mama & papa are number 1 period! ... no matter what happens to them, it's their responsibility to extract/come up with money to take care of the parents when they are in need. Unfortunately, in some cases, the financial demands/requests never cease. Many ignore the warnings ... state your situation very clearly before getting into a 'shoveling of shit against the tide' scene. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiHome Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 "Best scenario: seek out someone nice who has no family! Really, I met one expat who married such a gal (very nice) ... lucky bastard! " Yeah, but then you miss out on the fun trips to the family's upcountry home! :: :: :: TH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Petchburi Pete Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 BTW, the whole money issue pervades all of Thai society (if not all Asian societies): and ... some guys here (perhaps just passing through) mistakingly think it's just a bar girl game. In no way is that the case. Interesting sidelight: one of my buddies from back home is down in Pattaya with a GoGo dancer he fell in love with. This guy hasn't worked (except 'under the table') since the 1980's!!! .... hasn't filed a tax return in 20 yrs. .... and, he's promising this gal (who I know is counting on him for help if they marry) that he's going to marry her & bring her back to the States on a K-3 Marriage visa!!! Not only does he not have a job, he has no car & must live with his mother for shelter ... very sad for me to see this happen to a friend. Amazing what love did for him! Yes, love & money ... East meets West ... the tremors from the aftershock of the initial culture shock! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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