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Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Finally this age-old question is answered.....


Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.


Here is proof that they are wrong.


A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."


You never hear a guy say, "I would like another kick in the nuts."


Case closed.

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Edinburgh man Wullie McTavish is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with the nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons.



"So", he says to them: "Bernie, I want you to take the Braid Hills houses."

"Sybil, take the flats over in Morningside and Bruntsfield."

"Tam, I want you to take the offices in Charlotte Square."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings in the New Town."



The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Wullie slips away, she says, "Mrs. McTavish, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property".



Sarah replies, "Property? ... the bugger has a paper round!"

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A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West.


The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot...


'Could you give me some tips ??' he asked.


The old man said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high - - tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'


'Will that make me a better gunfighter ??'


'Sure will '


he young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.


'That's terrific !!' said the cowboy. 'Got any more tips ??'


'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it - - that’ll give you a smoother draw'


'Will that make me a better gunfighter ??' asked the young man.


'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.


The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.


'Wow !!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips ??'


The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there ?? Coat your gun with it.'


The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.


'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all..'


'Will that make me a better gunfighter ??' asked the young man..


'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much.'

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Son said to dad “I'm gay.â€

Dad looks at his other son and said “What about you?â€

Other son said “Me too dad.â€

Dad said “doesn't anyone in this family like pussy?â€

The daughter said “I do…â€



10 Catholic Priests were killed in a road accident.

At the Pearly Gates St Peter says “If any of you are paedophiles you can piss off down to Hell.â€

Nine of them start to walk away when St Peter calls out “and take this deaf bastard with you.â€



My mate reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you, he is in prison.



I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.

I shouted “Where you off to Charlie?â€

He said, “I'm off to change a light bulb.â€

Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said,

“That's gonna be a bit awkward init?â€

“Not really.†he said. “I’m off to Bunnings and I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.â€


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Barack Obama got out of the
shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed that he was white from the neck to the top of his head.




In a sheer panic and fearing he was turning white all over, he called his doctor and told him what had happened.


The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately.

After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Barack, and told him to drink it all.

Barack drank the concoction and said, "That tasted like bullshit!"

"It was." the doctor replied, "You were a quart low."
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Probably here before but worth another laugh.






An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and Gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.

When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a Very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your Prostate today, but this new procedure is a little Different from what you are probably used to.

I want you to lie on your right side,bend your knees, Then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,


The old guy obeys and says,


The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side And again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say,


Again, the old guy says,


The doctor said, “Very goodâ€.

Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees Raised slightly.

I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with The other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis

To keep it out of the way.

Now take a deep breath and say,


The old guy begins,




You don't stop laughing because you grow old.

You grow old because you stop laughing!

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A Glasgow policeman spots a huge black guy dancing on the roof of a Ford car.


He radios for backup.


"What's the situation?"


"A big fat darkie is dancing on a car roof."


You can't say that over the radio, use proper police talk." replies the operator. "You have to use the politically correct terminology"


“OK" he says:



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