Any New Jokes

[ijs5]

So this Scotsman goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night and finds himself a prostitute.

 

He asks her, "How much do yee charrrge forrrr an hourrr?"

 

"â?¬100," she replies.

 

So he asks, "Okay, do yee do Scottish style?"

 

She says "No!"

 

He then asks her, "I'll pay you â?¬200 to do it Scottish style?"

 

She then says no, not knowing what Scottish style is.

 

So he then offers her â?¬300. Again she declines his offer.

 

So finally he says, "Luk, I'll give ye â?¬500 to go Scottish style with me!"

 

Finally she agrees thinking, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now, I've been there and done that, had every kind of request from weirdos from every corner of the world. How bad could Scottish style be?"

 

So she goes ahead and has sex with him, doing it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally, after several intense hours they finish.

 

Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "That was fantastic. I've never enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. Where does the 'Scottish style' come in?"

 

The Scotsman replies, "I'll pay ye next week".

 

[teddy]

:thumbup:

[Flashermac]

One day a father asked his 11-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

 

"I don't want to know," the boy said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't ever tell me."

 

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

 

The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech. Now if you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for!"

 

[Torneyboy]

Love it

[The_Munchmaster]

:thumbup:

It wasn't that funny!

 

[Torneyboy]

One of the best

[Mekong]

ijs5 joke reminded me of this old one

 

 

 

An Englishman an Irishman and A Scotsman went to a Brothel in Amsterdam and were told that the going rate was â?¬25 / inch.

 

A couple of hours later after doing the dirty deed they were chatting to each other outside, the Englishman said " Not bad for â?¬200" the Irishman, somewhat bragging said" I paid â?¬250" then the Scotsman added "Well I only paid â?¬75"

 

The Englishman and Irish looked at the Scotsman and burst out laughing â?¬75 ha ha ha, the Scotsman replied "I don't know what you're both laughing at, I paid on the way out"

[teddy]

Good one :thumbup:

 

Reminded me of this one...

 

Three new honeymooners were having dinner together when the ladies went to powder their noses

 

The boys got together and suggested a competition:

 

"Right tomorrow morning when we come down for breakfast you have to order as many slices of toast as the amount of times you've had sex with your missus, the winner doesnt buy a beer for the rest of the holiday" they all agree....

 

The next morning the first man says "can I have three slices of toast please"

 

The second man says with a grin "can I have four slices of toast please"

 

The third man winks and says "can I have five slices of toast and can you make two of them brown?"

 

[cavanami]

The husband had been sitting and staring at their marriage license for over one hour.

The wife finally asked him, "what are you doing just sitting there staring at our marriage license"?

 

The husband replied, "looking for the expiration date". :grin:

[Torneyboy]

ijs5 joke reminded me of this old one

 

 

 

An Englishman an Irishman and A Scotsman went to a Brothel in Amsterdam and were told that the going rate was â?¬25 / inch.

 

A couple of hours later after doing the dirty deed they were chatting to each other outside, the Englishman said " Not bad for â?¬200" the Irishman, somewhat bragging said" I paid â?¬250" then the Scotsman added "Well I only paid â?¬75"

 

The Englishman and Irish looked at the Scotsman and burst out laughing â?¬75 ha ha ha, the Scotsman replied "I don't know what you're both laughing at, I paid on the way out"

 

 

A Munchie special