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An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, 'Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!'


'It's not just one car!' said the Essex girl, 'There's friggin hundreds of them!'

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Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's Blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the ground.


Medic: 'OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.'


Sharon : 'Ok.'


Medic: 'How many fingers am I putting up?'


Sharon : 'Oh my god, I'm paralysed from the waist down!'


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An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She says, 'Scuse me mate, I ain't being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?'


The Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, 'Well, I'm a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me right foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot'


'Cor blimey', exclaims the Essex girl, 'So THATS why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them!'

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A baby was born who was so

advanced, he could talk. He looked

around the delivery room and saw the



"Are you my doctor?" he asked.


"Yes, I am," said the



The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me


the birth."


He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my



"Yes, I am," said the mother.


"Thank you for taking such

good care of me before I was born," he



He then looked at his

father and asked, "Are you my father?"


"Yes, I am," his father



The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on


forehead with his index finger.


"Hurts doesn't





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A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.



At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'



'I have a better idea,' she replied . 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'



'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.



'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own fucking blanket.'



So after a moment of thought,he said 'fine' then turned over and farted.


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1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon








1. Specificity

2. Anti-constitutionalistically

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

4. Transubstantiate










1. No thanks, I'm married.

2. Nope, no more booze for me!

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.

5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.

7. I'm not interested in fighting you.

8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!

9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.

10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.


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