teddy Posted June 23, 2008 Report Share Posted June 23, 2008 An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, 'Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!' 'It's not just one car!' said the Essex girl, 'There's friggin hundreds of them!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddy Posted June 23, 2008 Report Share Posted June 23, 2008 Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's Blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the ground. Medic: 'OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.' Sharon : 'Ok.' Medic: 'How many fingers am I putting up?' Sharon : 'Oh my god, I'm paralysed from the waist down!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddy Posted June 23, 2008 Report Share Posted June 23, 2008 An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She says, 'Scuse me mate, I ain't being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?' The Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, 'Well, I'm a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me right foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot' 'Cor blimey', exclaims the Essex girl, 'So THATS why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTO Posted June 23, 2008 Report Share Posted June 23, 2008 < Sharon : 'Oh my god, I'm paralysed from the waist down!' Medic: 'Where are you bleeding from?' Sharon : 'Romford, mate.' >> Brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTO Posted June 23, 2008 Report Share Posted June 23, 2008 < Sharon : 'Oh my god, I'm paralysed from the waist down!' Medic: 'Where are you bleeding from?' Sharon : 'Romford, mate.' >> Brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted June 23, 2008 Report Share Posted June 23, 2008 Excellent :thumbup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckwoww Posted June 23, 2008 Report Share Posted June 23, 2008 Love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzzz Posted June 24, 2008 Report Share Posted June 24, 2008 A baby was born who was so advanced, he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked. "Yes, I am," said the doctor. The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth." He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?" "Yes, I am," said the mother. "Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said. He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?" "Yes, I am," his father answered. The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger. "Hurts doesn't it!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddy Posted June 24, 2008 Report Share Posted June 24, 2008 A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.' 'I have a better idea,' she replied . 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.' 'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed. 'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own fucking blanket.' So after a moment of thought,he said 'fine' then turned over and farted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddy Posted June 24, 2008 Report Share Posted June 24, 2008 THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I'm married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I'm not hungry. 5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight? 6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke. 7. I'm not interested in fighting you. 8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool! 9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road. 10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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