What is a good BG?

[Guest]

Hi Fly,

 

You are, of course, correct. Pick 100 Thai bargirls, and you will have 100 different stories, just as you would anywhere else. I'm sure they enter the trade for many different reasons. Family pressure to do so, all her friends from village are doing so well and they entice her to try it, support drug habit, Thai boyfriend gets her into it, she gets into gambling and it's the only solution to pay off debt, family going to lose farm and is only solution to save it, husband leave with her to feed 3 children and support parents also, etc., etc. Like I said, 100 bargirls....100 stories as to what brought them there.

 

My main question surrounded the fact that this last time I saw a very strong desire for the sex they get, and the money was almost secondary. And in fact, two cases rejected any offered money, and only wanted the sex. My last trip just seemed to go against the grain of most posts here, about B/G's only in it for the money, and certainly despelled my belief that all these girls hate doing what they do. Maybe a freak series of events for me, but I did see a decidedly different side of things.

 

Which altimately got me thinking......so many posts here about problems relating to relationships with a Thai bar girl. Cultural differences, language problems, long distance relationships, etc. But the overriding theme is always "Can I trust her?", and "Will she be faithful to me?"

 

Why is this such a big question? Because it seems in many of the cases presented here, they cannot. They either end up not being able to stay out of bar, or punter has found out his tilac has been "seeing" former customers while engaged in their relationship.

 

So....why would a Thai girl who hates being with smelly falang, and having sex with strangers, not be able to stop doing it? She has reached her objective, in snagging the financial solution to whatever brought her into the game initialy. Yet, she seems to always need to go back for more.

 

This is the $64,000 question.

 

Hense my theory, that it may not be just a financial thing for some of them. They got into the game for many reasons, but the resulting constant intense sex creates an addiction, and resulting bodily need, that results in their inability to really commit to a single man. It doesn't take long at all for a B'G working 28 days a month to rack up 500 different customers of every race, creed, and nationality. Hard for one person to measure up to the variety they are used to, even after just a few months on the job. And Thai girls do get bored very quickly. Maybe this is the problem. They need variety, which one individual will never be able to provide for them. I just don't know, and don't pretend too. I'm not answering the questions, only asking them!

 

HT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[chilli13]

"They need variety, which one individual will never be able to provide for them. I just don't know, and don't pretend too. I'm not answering the questions, only asking them"

 

oh dear - I need variety too & know how to get it ::

[Guest]

yes.

it is a lot more complicated than money.

freud would love that town here

 

 

[jasmine]

Hi,

 

[color:"red"] in farangland, the prostitutes mainly deal with basic physical sex, get it off and get away. [/color]

 

Many Thai men treat the sex workers exactly the same.

 

Cheers!

[jasmine]

Hi,

 

It is interesting that you guys brought up the sex drive. When I was in Germany, we lived on an American base. Most Thai women had sex industry background and it was known to the single American males that these women were available. I talked to a few why such promiscuous behaviour. The first answer normally was "I love sex." However, some of them were quite honest to say that, they wanted to know that they could still seduce men. the reason seemed to be more of the prove that someone find these women desirable.

[color:"red"] so many posts here about problems relating to relationships with a Thai bar girl. Cultural differences, language problems, long distance relationships, etc. But the overriding theme is always "Can I trust her?", and "Will she be faithful to me?"[/color]

 

My freind, just because a woman is sensual and has high demand for sex, does not mean that she will seek someone else for sex. It is something else more complicated. I still maintain that a lot of these Thai ex-BG do not take a marriage, especially to a foreingner seriously. If a woman does not take a marriage seriously and is committed to it, whether the husband is away (long distance relationship) or not, she will seek someone else.

 

Cheers! ::

[Guest]

Hi Fly,

 

>>>it is a lot more complicated than money.

freud would love that town here <<<

 

I think you are right. Their love of baht just does not explain many of their actions, at least to my satisfaction. Money is only but a part of the puzzle, I think.

-------------------------------------------------

 

Hi Jaz,

 

OK. To your first point of these Thai women in Germany sleeping around to prove they are still desirable.........Well, I would guess any woman in the world needs to feel that. So why is it that the Thai women on base felt that they could only verify that by putting out sexually? I'm assuming they were there because they were married, and you did say most had sex-industry background.

 

Which brings us to your second observation. Which is also very interesting to me....that an ex Thai bar girl finds it difficult to take marriage seriously. I'll take the liberty to extend your thought to include a full time relationship, not just legal marriage. Correct me if that is not your thinking.

 

So, what do we have here?

 

Sounds like insecurity mixed with distrust. Bar girl needs to sleep around to prove she is desirable, coupled with her distrust of the relationship she is in.

 

Sleeping around because she needs to prove she is desirable is very inconsistent with Thai custom, as I know it. And inconsistent to how she probably was brought up. I'm thinking a very small part of the equation. Maybe for older ex-B/G's, but am not seeing as an overriding factor for girls involved in the active NEP/freelance scene now. They know they can walk into Grace or Angels, or BG7, and get pulled by the end of night, with a little aggression, and very little effort on their part.

 

Ahhhh.......but your second observation deserves much merit. An ex B/G seemingly cannot take a relationship/marriage seriously (in some cases). Why would that be? Not hard to figure out. They've been shit on so many times, that they have come to trust no one. Given their heart out so many times, only to have it broken time after time. Broken promises on a daily basis, watching last nights boyfriend butterfly through NEP.........the same one who promised her everything just the night before, along with his undying love for her. This is played out 24/7 for many of these girls. The end result is obviously many of these girls get hard as nails. But so hard that they can't function in a normal relationship anymore? Maybe.

 

So how does all this relate to a B/G's ability to be faithful? Maybe a defense mechanism on their part. They've truly come to believe that they will get screwed over in the end, so when an outside opportunity arises, they jump on it, somehow protecting themselves from the inevitable hurt that is surely coming their way, in their minds??

 

I know guys, I'm getting deep here. I just can't help but think there is a common denominator here somewhere, to explain why timid, traditionally shy Thai girls can't seem to keep their pants on, even when presented with a good life better than anything they could ever have hoped for. Jaz and Fly are right. It is more complicated than meets the eye. And every situation is different. I walked away from the most incredible woman I ever met, because of the horror stories relating to Thai Bar Girls. I need to hear a good reason why I did that, and understand it.

 

HT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[kamui]

HT

I appreciate your arguments very much.

I am not a specialist, but I heard about a theory that the overwhelming need for sex and promiscuity could be a hint of a very weak self of women, which could fit at some of the BG´s. Having sex with different men proves their value for themselves (like your example of the Thai women in Germany). A second explanation could be that being a paid for sex gives the women the feeling of power over the men, because they have the feeling to control them - that?s what you sometimes hear in interviews with prostitutes.

And following your argumentation, the more the women are destroyed inside by their customers, the more they loose their self by selling their body and emotions, the more they need sex as a proof of their value.

But of course both points "value" and "power" are bad substitutes for a long term relationship build on trust, because in the end - when they get old - the women are the one who lose.

 

But even if these theories are right (I am not really sure about this) there will be always a BG who does not follow these (western) theories.

 

I walked away from the most incredible woman I ever met, because of the horror stories relating to Thai Bar Girls. I need to hear a good reason why I did that, and understand it

Maybe your really good explanations are a kind of self-justification for not following your heart and grabbing the "most incredible women" you ever met. But you already gave the reason for not following your heart: Out of fear to get scammed and get your heart broken in pieces. Maybe as a moderator have read to many bad stories over the years.

 

Ups, I think that was a little bit to much theory. But just having been in LOS this summer for the first time I will return in December (much earlier than initially planned) to do some field research in SC and NEP. ::

[Guest]

Hi Kamui,

 

>>>I am not a specialist, but I heard about a theory that the overwhelming need for sex and promiscuity could be a hint of a very weak self of women, which could fit at some of the BG´s.<<<<

 

>>>And following your argumentation, the more the women are destroyed inside by their customers, the more they loose their self by selling their body and emotions, the more they need sex as a proof of their value.<<<

 

Both very good points, and may paint a large portion of the picture, for many. Good post, Kamui.

 

As for me, I'm already regretting what I did. I think of Thalenoi and Mee. It looks like after a year now, it may end for them. But I bet if you ask him, he would not have given up this last year of his life for anything. Better to have loved and lost her, than never to have known her at all.

 

I have two people in BK searching for the girl I speak about as I write this. What a waste. I could have been with her my last 5 days, if not for my fear of getting too attached to an impossible dream. I'll be very honest. She is the reason for the questions I ask. I need a spark of reasoning to explain how I could ever manage to survive a relationship with this girl. A part-time freelancer, with a policeman father, and shop owner mother. She doesn't need to work, yet chooses to, occasionally. WHY? What drives her to it, and what will it take to eliminate that need? I know for a fact I can not eliminate that need from Hawaii, or anywhere else, except by being there in BK. So in the end, maybe I made the right choice. I guess I'm looking for justification to my action. If we can figure out why many of these girls just can't stay away from multiple customers, then some of us might have a fair chance.

 

But I'm already thinking that as an exorcize in futility. I've just seen, and read, too much to know better. Whatever the motive for infidelity really is for them (money, hightened sex drive, severe insecurity....) it is far stronger than the collective us. But whether I walked away, or didn't.....the pain is still there, just in different forms.

 

This whole thing sucks way too much.

 

Steppenwolf: from the 60's:...."God damn the "Thai bar girl" ('Pusher-man'). Can't seem to get this song out of my head lately. Where is Freud when you need him?

 

HT

 

 

[Guest]

>I still maintain that a lot of these Thai ex-BG do not take a marriage, especially to a foreingner seriously.<

 

one of the many reasons for that behavior is the concept of "mia chao", the rented wife. especially when a girl met her husband in a bar very often the marriage is somehow seen as an extension of her work there in the bar. so many times, there is from the side of the girl not much what connects her and the husband beyond sex and money, different language, different culture, different age, etc., none of both have the ability to adapt to the other.

the concept of "mia chao" is completely foreign to most westerners, for us, when we live together, are married, that automatically means that we are really married. here though things can be a bit different.

things obviously are not that simple, marriages started from that concept can move on of course into something more meaningful after some time, but that needs a lot of work, and means to be able to stand a lot of emotional pain.

basically, any marriage with a thai woman, especially when the relationship started in a bar, there are years of work. anyone who expects an easy time, is living in selfdeception.

[think_too_mut]

>but I heard about a theory that the overwhelming need for sex and promiscuity could be a hint of a very weak self of women, which could fit at some of the BG´s. Having sex with different men proves their value for themselves...

 

One of my friends ended up with a most popular girl from one of the NEP gogos. A girl that would easilly make (still does) 2-3 STs each evening. 2 yrs in the bar, 2x3months stints in Germany. My gf knew her and told me that.

 

The stunner would insist the guy records on the video cam while she is having (5-6 times a day) sex with him. One morning, coming back from the shower, he saw her "tok bet" while watching her own video on that little LCD screen.

 

One would think she has had enough of a blast...