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Are you smarter than a Kiwi?


(Some insights into Kiwi rugby thinking) â?? extract from Mail & Guardian




â??Nobody in Rugby should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.â? (Jono Gibbs â?? Chiefs)


â??Iâ??m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.â? (Rodney Soâ??ialo, Hurricanes on University)


â??You guys line up alphabetically by height.â? and â??You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.â? (Colin Cooper â?? Hurricanes head coach)


Chris Masoe (Hurricanes) on whether he had visited the pyramids during his visit to Egypt : â??I canâ??t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.â?Â


â??Heâ??s a guy who gets up at six oâ??clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.â? Colin Cooper on Paul Tito


Kevin Senio ( Auckland ), on night rugby vs day games: â??Itâ??s basically the same, just darker.â?Â


David Nucifora ( Auckland ) talking about Troy Flavell: â??I told him, â??Son, what is it with you â?¦ Is it ignorance or apathy?â?? He said, â?? David , I donâ??t know and I donâ??t care.â?? â?Â


David Holwell (Hurricanes) when asked about the upcoming season: â??I want to reach for 150 or 200 points this season, whichever comes first.â?Â


â??Andy Ellis, the 21-year-old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago.â?Â( Murray Mexted)


â??Colin has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator.â? (Ma Nonu)


â??He scored that try after only 22 seconds totally against the run of play.â? ( Murray Mexted)


â??We actually got the winning try three minutes from the end but then they scored.â? (Phil Waugh Waratahs)


â??Iâ??ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.â? (Jerry Collins)


â??That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical.â? (Tony Brown)


â??I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.â? (Tana Umaga)


â??Sure there have been injuries and deaths in rugby, but none of them serious.â? (Doc Mayhew)


â??If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.â? (Anton Oliver)


â??I would not say he (Rico Gear) is the best left winger in the Super 14, but there are none better.â? ( Murray Mexted)


â??I never comment on referees and Iâ??m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.â? (Ewan McKenzie)


Murray Deaker: â??Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?â? Tana Umaga: â??On what?â?Â


â??Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.â? ( Murray Mexted)


â??Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.â? ( Murray Mexted)


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A tired old prospector walked his mule into a frontier town one day. He'd been out in the desert for six months without a drop of whiskey.


He walked up to the first saloon he saw and tied his mule to the hitching rail.


As he stood there brushing the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger came out of the saloon with a six-shooter in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.


The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed. He said, 'Hey you old goat, have you ever danced?'


The sourdough looked at the gunslinger and answered, 'Nope, I was never much for dancing. Just never wanted to.'


By now a crowd had gathered around as the gunslinger said, 'Well, old man, you're gonna dance for me right now!' Then he started shooting at the old man's feet. The prospector hopped around and everyone was laughing.


When the gunslinger had fired his last bullet, he holstered his pistol and turned to go back into the saloon.


The prospector reached over to his mule, drew a buckshot loaded shotgun, and pulled back both hammers. Silence fell as the hammers clicked.


The crowd watched as the gunslinger stood staring down both barrels of the shotgun.


The prospector quietly spoke. 'Young, fella. Did you ever kiss a mule's ass before?'


The gunslinger swallowed hard. Then he answered. 'Nope, but I've always wanted to.'


The lessons from this story are two:


1) Don't waste ammunition.


2) Don't mess with old folks. :)


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The latest version:



[color:red]Why did the chicken cross the road?[/color]



BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!


JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.


HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. That experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.


GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. That chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.


DICK CHENEY: Where's my shotgun?


COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.


BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of 'chicken'?


AL GORE: I invented the chicken.


JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.


AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.


DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.


OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the

road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.


ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the



NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.


PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.


MARTHA STEWART: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.


DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.


ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.


JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you too will become gay. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.


GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.


BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of moulting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.


ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.


JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.


BILL GATES: I have just released EChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but it will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of EChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash ....... reboot.


ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?


COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?



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Two Kiwis, Ian and Craig, are walking down a street in

Bondi. Ian happens to look in one of the shop windows and

sees a sign that catches his eye.


The sign said 'Suits $10.00 each, Shirts $4.00 each,

Trousers $5.00 per pair.'


Ian says to his pal, 'Craig, look! We could buy a whole lot

of those, and whin we get beck to InZid, we could make a fortune.'


Now whin we go unto the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just lit

me do all the talking cause uf they hear our accint, they

might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my bist Aussie



'No worries,' smiled Craig, 'I'll keep my mouth shut.'


They go in and Ian says, 'I'll take fufty suits et $10.00

each, 100 shirts et $4.00 each, and fufty pairs of trousers

et $5.00 each. I'll beck up my truck and...'


The owner of the shop interrupts, 'You're from New Zealand, aren't you?'


'Well... Yis,' says a surprised Ian. 'How the hill dud you

know thet?'


The owner says, 'This is a dry cleaners'.


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