Jump to content

Any New Jokes


Recommended Posts

Whatâ??s the last recorded message on the space

shuttleâ??s black-box?

â??Go on then, let the woman drive.â??


Whatâ??s NASAâ??s official drink?

Seven Up on the rocks with a splash of Teacherâ??s.


Why does NASA drink Sprite?

Because they canâ??t get Seven-Up.


What does NASA stand for?

Need Another Seven Astronauts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hitler walks into the meeting room and turns

to his trusted staff, â??I want you to organise the

execution of 10 000 Jews and two hedgehogsâ??.

Everyone looks around the table and after a

long silence Goering pipes up, â??Mein Führer,

why do you want to kill two hedgehogs?â??.

Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table,

â??You see, no one cares about the Jewsâ??.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Three Jews win the lottery and scoop the £8m

jackpot. They are getting ready to divvy up the

cash and one says: â??Right, so thatâ??s £2 million

to me, £2 million to each of you, and £2 million

to the Germansâ??.

The other two reply, â??£2 million to the fucking

GERMANS? What the fuck for?â??.

Says the first Jew, rolling up his sleeve: â??Well,

they did give us the numbersâ??.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why does Dr Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife is dead.


Did you hear about the man with five penises?

His pants fit like a glove.


Had my first blow job today.

â?¦ Five whiskeys and I still canâ??t get rid of the taste.


Whatâ??s blue and sticky?

Smurf cum.


What did Cinderella do when she

got to the ball?

She choked.


What is the difference between a dog

and a fox?

About five drinks.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

How do you get a fat girl into bed?

Piece of cake.


I like my women the way I like my coffee:

ground up, in my freezer.


Whatâ??s it called when a woman is paralysed

from the waist down?



Why do women have legs?

Have you seen the mess snails make?


An undertaker says to a bereaved husband,

â??When did you realise your wife was dead?â??

â??Well,â?? he replies, â??the sex was the same but

the dishes just kept piling up...â??

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man walks into a lift, which already has a

very attractive woman in it.


As the lift is going up he asks, â??Excuse me

miss, can I smell your fanny?â??.


â??Certainly not!â?? came her astonished reply.


â??Ah! It must be your feet then.â??





What do you call ten vaginas stacked up

on top of each other?


A block of flaps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What happened to the Irish terrorist who tried

to blow up a bus?

He burnt his mouth on the exhaust pipe.



How do you get a one-armed Irishman

out of a tree?




Why wasnâ??t Jesus born in Ireland?

Because they couldnâ??t find three wise men or a virgin.


There once was a man from Nantucket

Whose dick was so long he could suck it

He said with a grin

As he wiped off his chin

â??If my ear was a cunt, I would fuck itâ??



There was a young chap called Dave

Who kept a dead whore in a cave

He said, â??I admit

She does smell a bit

But look at the money I saveâ??



I love my dog and he loves me

And thatâ??s the way love is supposed to be

But when it comes to having sex

â??Woof Woof Woof!â?? barks my dog Rex


How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler.



Why do elephants have big ears?

Because Noddy wouldnâ??t pay the ransom.



Whatâ??s a shitzu?

A zoo with no animals.



Why does Edward Woodward have so many Dâ??s

in his name?

Because otherwise heâ??d be Ewar Woowar.



Where does Kylie buy her kebabs from?

Jasonâ??s doner-van.



Link to comment
Share on other sites

Munchie it is 2008 you are cutting and pasting jokes that were in my inbox in 1998


Go and post on the useless thread we started it for you!

Cutting and pasting your jokes? I don't think I've ever seen you post a joke (other than most of your posts). Try doing that instead of bleating. :rolleyes::shakehead


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Create New...