Any New Jokes

[Coss]

You are supposed to find our distress amusing

[BelgianBoy]

Passenger to a Sexy Air Hostess : What is your name ?

 

Air Hostess answers : Mercedes, Sir !

 

Passenger says : Lovely name ! Any relation with Mercedes Benz ?

 

Air hostess : Same Price

 

 

[acockasian]

Belgian Boy,

 

You posted the Mercedes joke on Sept 29. To be honest I did not think it was funny then but refrained from commenting.

 

Did you think it was so funny it should be posted twice?

 

Or did you forget you had already posted it?

[BelgianBoy]

at least someone is keeping track of it, funny to some, or not

at least your reply is

 

BB

[unit731]

Well, in all honesty, I can't remember what I did yesterday.

 

 

[unit731]

A Vacation love story

 

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.

 

He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear.

 

"Just relax."

 

Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure.

 

When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage. And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties.

 

Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking `no' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say ...

 

"Okay, ma'am, all done."

 

My eyes snapped open and he was standing in front of me, smiling, holding out my purse.

 

"You can board your flight now."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Coss]

[Nervous God]

Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf.

Paddy said, 'I gonna do that when I win lottery'

 

'What's dat, says his mate.

 

'Send me lawn away to be cut'.

[The_Munchmaster]

Two fleas on a fanny. One is a junkie, the other is a mugger. How do you tell them apart?

 

Easy. The junkie is sniffing the crack and the mugger is hiding in the bush. :hubba:

[The_Munchmaster]

Couple driving home and run over a Badger. They get out to find that it's still breathing but very cold.

 

Husband says, "Put it between your legs to warm it up."

 

Wife replies, "But it`s all wet and it stinks."

 

Husband replies.."Well hold the Badgers nose then!"