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Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate".




Three more escalation levels remain, "Shit, we might have to cancel the Barbie this weekend." and "Bugger it, the Barbie is cancelled".




The final escalation level is ... â??We might have to lay off the grog until weâ??ve got this sorted.â?Â




However, in all of recorded Australian history, things have never been considered to be so bad that this warning has ever had to be issued.



She'll be right mate :beer::neener:

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1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.


2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.


3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.


4. Leave a note on your door that reads:


Hey Bubba,

Me, Big Jim, Duke and Slim went for more ammunition. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.





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Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.


Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Lusty says,

'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'


LazyPhil continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says, 'You better think it over, Lusty. Women like that are hard to find.'



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A man notices a small boy wearing a firemans hat sitting in a cart being pulled along by his pet dog.


When he gets closer he notices the cart is tied to the dogs testicles.


'That's a nice fire engine' said the man 'but wouldn't the dog pull you faster if you tied the rope to his collar?'


'Yes' said the boy, 'but then I wouldn't have a siren'.

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Little girl taking a shower with her nan, points down and says, "what's that?"


Nan says, "that's my beaver."


Next day the little girl is taking a shower with her mum and points down and says, "I know what that is, that's your beaver."


"Yes", mum replies, "how do you know that?"


"Nan told me, but I think hers is dead cos it's tongue is hanging out".

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Two Irishmen are on holiday in Florida, camping in the everglades. They see an alligator under a tree with a mans head and arms sticking out of it's mouth.


Paddy turns to Mick and says, "bejesus, would you take a look at that flash bastard in the Lacoste sleeping bag".

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