Any New Jokes

[Coss]

[bust]

Something wrong in that pic. They're floating 😄

[Old Hippie]

So, I was at the Barnes & Noble bookstore earlier today and I asked the clerk if they had Donald Trump's new book on how to deport illegal immigrants.

She immediately said to me, "Get the fuck out of here, and don't come back!"

I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in wetback?"

[My Penis is hungry]

Brilliant 

[Mekong]

A dustbin man knocks on a a guy’s door, looking for his rubbish.

He opens the door slightly, with a red, sweaty face.

”Where’s yer bin?” asks the binman.

”Errr… I bin in barfwoom,” responds the bloke.

”No, mate: where’s yer BIN?” he asks again.

”I told you. I BIN in barfwoom..”

Getting exasperated, the binman says “Look - WHERE’S YOUR WHEELIE BIN?”

The chap’s shoulders slump and, crestfallen, he lowers his head…

”Oh, OK… I wheelie bin having a wank..”

[Mekong]

A priest and a rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane.

After a while the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a bacon sandwich.”The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later the rabbi spoke up and asked, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”The priest replied, “Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith.”The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.

Finally the rabbi quietly observed, “Beats the shit out of a bacon sandwich doesn’t it?”

[Coss]

Whilst this is a real photo taken here in Auckland, it's posted in the Jokes pigeon hole, so as not to offend cycling aficionados:

 

 

[bust]

[My Penis is hungry]

[bust]

Visiting her local shopping district, a woman notices a brand new store has just opened  that sells Husbands. So the women goes in to browse and they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!”

So, the woman goes into the "Husband Store" to find a husband.

The 1st floor sign reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and The sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

“Oh, yeah!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the 5th floor and The sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the "Husband Store."