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Any New Jokes


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  • 5 weeks later...

So, I was at the Barnes & Noble bookstore earlier today and I asked the clerk if they had Donald Trump's new book on how to deport illegal immigrants.

She immediately said to me, "Get the fuck out of here, and don't come back!"

I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in wetback?"

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A dustbin man knocks on a a guy’s door, looking for his rubbish.

He opens the door slightly, with a red, sweaty face.

”Where’s yer bin?” asks the binman.

”Errr… I bin in barfwoom,” responds the bloke.

”No, mate: where’s yer BIN?” he asks again.

”I told you. I BIN in barfwoom..”

Getting exasperated, the binman says “Look - WHERE’S YOUR WHEELIE BIN?”

The chap’s shoulders slump and, crestfallen, he lowers his head…

”Oh, OK… I wheelie bin having a wank..”

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A priest and a rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane.

After a while the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a bacon sandwich.”The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later the rabbi spoke up and asked, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”The priest replied, “Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith.”The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.

Finally the rabbi quietly observed, “Beats the shit out of a bacon sandwich doesn’t it?”

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