Old Hippie Posted January 21, 2011 Report Share Posted January 21, 2011 LK, Would you agree, there is a fine line between strict discipline and abuse? and or a fine line between challenging kids to do well, and forcing them to do things they hate, such as learning violin when they'd rather learn flute of piano etc (not talking about practical school stuff here) just because you want them to be all the things you failed at? (not you personally). As LP pointed out, his daughter wasn't into piano, he didn't force her, she found dance, and excels at it. Had he forced her to continue piano and forgo dance, she might have never reached the level with piano, that she did with dance. I see a lot of parents push their kids to do shit they themselves could NEVER do. AS if it is somehow a way to compete with all the other parents, kids be damned. That said, I do think a lot of people, maybe most people these days, suck at parenting. I also see fewer and fewer boundaries or rules for kids, and I honestly believe society is suffering for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizardKing Posted January 21, 2011 Report Share Posted January 21, 2011 Yes, absolutely, there is a fine line. But when I go to the States, I see the majority of the families kow-towing to the wants of the children versus the opposite. Hell, we just had a thread where HH was whinging that freaking Happy Meals were not coming with toys (nothing about outlawing them!!!) unless they met certain nutritional requirements. WTF? Really? WTF? Why is that even a question? Parents should rule unquestionably, and OBVIOUSLY from this thread, many folks need assistance in that area. IMHO anyway. Hell, I remember 15+ years ago, on the rent-a-car shuttle from LAX to Hertz on my ex-wife's first US trip, some little snot running amok. She was appalled that anyone would let that happen. But it is commonplace in the US as she would find out and never accept (nor would I). Gee, why is (for example) Singapore's secondary student's technical scores as tested so much higher? No question in my mind. Parents fail in the US to take control and teach discipline because they want to be BFFs with their rugrats instead of an authority figure. But -- very importantly and still applies to my kids as adults -- one whom they can always (at any time) & non-judgmentally (as adults) turn to to get help/answers, not abuse. My daughters really trust me with their most intimate secrets (even one's they keep from each other) and I have had to help them out of a few messes, as did my parents. Hey, nothing's perfect, but they owned it and understood they fucked up. That's all you can ask. Make them sort their own issues and make the usual mistakes, but if you see them drowning, lend a hand. YMMV. It worked great for me because that's exactly how my parents were, but as Phil said: where the manual you should get for these things when they are squirted out? Fuck knows the right answer, or even if there is one. I just know what worked for my family for generations and am trying to share to help all, like Ms Chua. WTF is with the death threats to her? Fucking sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lazyphil Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 My daughter will go further than me in life.....which wont be difficult lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunsanuk Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 Hi, "But it is commonplace in the US as she would find out and never accept (nor would I)." Actually pretty common place here as well. I'm sure you've heard of the 'little emperor' syndrome. Sanuk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 My daughter will go further than me in life.....which wont be difficult lol Thats the whole point ! One wants always more for their own children, hence the need for motivation and stimulation. Education is the key to the future. IMHO of course. BB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 That's a western notion - and Chinese too. It used to amaze me when I first came to LOS to see how the garderners, custodians, cooks etc at my university seemed to have absolutely no interest in seeing their children do better. These parents saw every day how much better the faculty and staff lived. Yet they would pull their children out of school at the minimum the law allowed and stick them to work driving a samlor or as digging ditches. In the US the old immigrant mentality was that parents sacrificed to get their children an education. Not so in most of the world. It is also why the Chinese virtually run Thailand - and set up laws to make it difficult for foreigners to buy land or start businesses that might challenge that domination. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave32 Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 Yeah, I see something in the Chinese communities here that I would not want instilled in kids - an overwhelming sense of conformity, and a taboo against questioning authority or the status quo. I don't care if we're talking about sublime uber-mothers sent from the gods. Just don't agree with those values. Yeah, Americans do suck at parenting. And there are probably things to learn from the Tiger Mom. And whoever sent her death threats should be prosecuted. But that doesn't mean you need to accept the methods without question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 My mother used to say that God and the sun raise the children in California. Not far from the truth. But the Chinese mentality is more like the Borg. The Koreans are just about as bad too, at least with their daughters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave32 Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 My mother used to say that God and the sun raise the children in California. Not far from the truth. But the Chinese mentality is more like the Borg. The Koreans are just about as bad too, at least with their daughters. Yep. Think I told you about this, buy my ex-gf was Korean. Back in 03-04. Her parents were very explicit in that she had to marry a Korean, a wealthy one, and had to do it by 30. Whenever we met or she stayed over, had to park my car around the corner and she told them she was meeting friends. Very clandestine. She's a classical pianist, lol, who's now married to a physician in San Diego. And unhappy. Still get the periodic phone calls. She also touched me more than any woman I've met here. And my closest friends are Viet-Chinese, good people and the parents did come here without a penny and made great sacrifice to put their kids through school. All doing well. But the peer/family pressure there is stiff. Do you think one of them could've said they were gonna join the military or be a firefighter? And their family is pretty liberal, with some of the more hardline traditional ones... the pressure there to 'toe the line' is enormous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coss Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 "She also touched me more than any woman I've met here." Speaking as one enduring forced celibacy, that line's double entendre´reached out and kicked me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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